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Become Friends with Girls
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
March 12th, 2007
How many friends of yours are girls? I mean real friends, not girls you’re pining over and being friends with only because you think one day you might hook up with her.
If your answer is “one” or “none” then you’re way behind in utilizing one of the most effective ways to meet new women – through other women. Women are a RESOURCE to other women.
I know guys who are really good at getting women into bed very fast, and anytime they need a warm body in their bed they head off to find one and pretty much have one by the next day, if not that night. Those guys really don’t need to befriend girls in order to get laid, they do just fine with a tiny set of mostly guy friends and barely have any interest to have a woman around unless they’re attracted to her and want to sleep with her or are sleeping with her.
That is the MINORITY, even for guys who are good with women. The more typical guy who is good with women will be successful not only by having the skill to pick women up but to utilize resources and create opportunities which puts him in front of a lot more women who will mostly be his resource to other new women.
One of the best ways to increase the number of women you are meeting regularly is through other women, in the form of making friendships with females who know the kind of women you like – lots of them. Meaning, a woman who has a network of female friends of the type you are interested in.
Not only will the access be there, but through introduction, you are also going to benefit from the equivalent of a “stamp of approval”.
I’ve had a number of decent jobs in my life and all but one of them I got through referral and not by filling out an application or submitting a resume. A company needed to hire someone, a referral was made, I kicked ass at interviews, and got the job that probably dozens of others had applied for. Perhaps some of them were even more qualified, but it didn’t matter because I had what they did not – the nod of approval from a trusted source.
Obviously your female friend has to like you (platonically) and believe you to be a great guy, and the type of guy she would look forward to introducing to her other friends. You can be a great guy easily when you let go of trying to bed a girl you focus on being friends with. Most guys like you DO have qualities women would be interested and sometimes those qualities simply can’t be projected on a first meet with a stranger. When you are introduced to that stranger via her friend then you gain a very non-pressured avenue for displaying that greatness, starting on the right foot from the very beginning. You may not be her friend’s “ideal man” but you’ve got what her ideal man out there doesn’t have – the nod of approval from a trusted source.
Still, this is not an outright replacement for building up your social skills. Building up your skills to be able to meet and attract women on your own should still be a focal point of your self-improvement. Think of it like diversifying your strategies and options. Each strategy builds upon and supports the other.
Now that I’ve talked about how good of a strategy this is, let me share suggestions with you on HOW to go about this…
- When you approach new women, don’t ONLY approach them with sexual or romantic interests, allow yourself the option to befriend them.
- Rather than trying to set up 1:1 dates, invite them to parties and treat them as friends.
- Focus on befriending women who share similar interests as you, as they will have a better time hanging out with you and less pressure on you to do any more than be cool and feel like yourself.
- When you are spending time with girls only as friends, it gives you a chance to learn more about women in general, not just how to bed them but how to really get along with them and understand them better. This, in turn, helps encourage those female friends to introduce you to other women and help you hook up.
- If you originally pursue a girl with an interest to sleep with her, don’t try to change that to being friends, even if it’s her idea, because it will probably be difficult and frustrate you. Focus on befriending from the start and for the girls you pursue sexually that you don’t get – just let them go and simply contact them occasionally to see what’s up – maybe they’ll be available in the future, you never know.
- Remember that even as friends, women will still act like women and you can’t let them walk over you or try to take advantage of you. Just picture them as a guy friend and ask yourself whether you would tolerate that from a guy friend.
- Don’t be “girly” around girl friends, let them do their girl stuff with their girlfriends. You’re their GUY friend so for sure it is OK to be a guy around them. Just don’t be a gross piggish guy, be a cool fun-loving positive guy. And don’t expect them to be guy-like, any more than they’d expect you to be girl-like.
- Try not to go overboard and collect 1,000 girl friends. Focus on being friends with a few quality girls as friends and add more only as you are able to find the time. If you can easily manage more, go ahead, but don’t go overboard initially.
There you go – yet another strategy from our lab geared for your success.
Friends forever,
Jay Valens
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