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Get a Little T&C from Her
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
September 17th, 2006
I want to share a secret with you that I wish I had known 10 years ago. This simple concept can really improve your success with women once you are conscious about it, and take steps to achieve it.
The secret is that you need to get T&C from women. And no, I don’t mean Town and Country!
Now, I know, most of you are thinking, “T&C, I don’t care what that means, I want T&A!” OK, fair enough, that is how we men think; we think more graphically than women, we want Tits and Ass!
But to get that T&A, you first need T&C… Trust and Comfort!
As men, we pretty much think or hope that as long as we can get her attracted to us that we are off to the races, all we need to do is get her alone and let nature work its course. This is because that is how it works for us: if we are attracted to her physically, usually all we need to do is get alone with her in order to have sex. And even then, some of us wouldn’t care whether we were alone or not! But that is a subject for a different newsletter…
You see, women think differently from men, they need to trust you before they will allow themselves to be alone with you.
There are all kinds of EVOLUTIONAL reasons for this that we could go into, like the fact that women evolved to always be protecting their rare reproductive assets at all times (their eggs are limited, our sperm are practically limitless...).
But, without going into deep scientific analysis of it all here, I am just going to ask you to trust me on this one, OK?
There is also a SOCIETAL reason for women needing trust, especially in the United States where crime rates are fairly high, and the news is constantly bombarding women with stories about mugging, rape, etc. Women are physically weaker than men and can’t generally defend themselves when they are alone with a stronger male. I think you can agree with me on this one.
OK, now that you may understand a little bit more about how important this idea of trust is to women at a deep level, that its literally a matter of life and death, you need to always be aware of the level of trust you have from her before you try to move things towards more intimacy.
So let’s talk about some ways you can build trust quickly.
The easiest way is to be trustworthy for real!
If you know at a core level that you would never force a woman to do anything she doesn’t want, then your actions should for the most part automatically be what we call “congruent” with that reality, and women will notice this.
However, many guys are just generally nervous around women, despite of their good intentions, and this can interfere with her trusting you.
Now this is a big issue that you may not be able to solve overnight if you are nervous around women, but here are some tips:
- Treat her as you would treat your female friends or your sister. If you have to, imagine she IS your sister or just your friend, because that is better than acting nervous!
- If you don’t have many (or even any) female friends, go make some more so that you are used to being around women without an agenda.
- Be comfortable with yourself first! If you are relaxed and at ease, your emotional state will be contagious to her and she will “mirror” your behavior.
- Make sure your body language» is relaxed. There are many books you can read on body language» to understand this. Also, watching the scenes in “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs will give you great examples of relaxed male body language».
Conquering nervousness is a basic essential ingredient that may take some time and lots of experience with women, so if you still have this problem, you have to meet more and more women until it’s not such a big deal and you are no longer nervous around them.
Assuming you have this part down, you can work on more general ways to build trust. Let’s examine a few things you can do.
A simple way to build trust is to share personal details, and ask for hers. Don’t go into your life story, but give her enough information that she can feel like you are a normal, well-adjusted person.
A surprisingly simple but powerful thing is to ask her last name, which in turn usually gets her to ask your last name. Just knowing this is a big part of the trust equation, and though it’s not conscious, probably the deep rooted idea is that at some level she knows that if she has enough information about you that if you turned out to do something crazy, she would be able to tell the authorities!
Along these lines, you could ask to see her ID card, telling her you are going to see who has the worst picture. This turns into a funny routine for teasing her even if she has a great picture. Well, once she looks at *your* ID, she has had a chance to know everything about you, you aren’t hiding anything, and she can trust you more. She won’t be thinking this consciously, but it will have the desired effect.
Some women I have met have actually asked me to see my ID and told me straight out that they ask that of all guys. Well, if you have been asked and you show her, you are stuck following her orders, which is a bad frame, so I developed this idea of making a little game out of it to pre-empt that.
Another thing you can do is to tell her some small, funny secrets or even little weaknesses about yourself.
This is, in essence, telling her that you trust her.
Why?
Well, it is a funny thing about human psychology that we tend to trust people who trust us. How many times have you found yourself telling somebody some secrets about yourself right after they told you some about themselves? That is the kind of effect you are going for here.
Trust is something that is usually reciprocated, so if you give it early, you will get it back early. Again, thinking of your emotional state as being contagious, if you are in a trusting state, she can reflect that back to you.
Meeting her friends is another great trust builder.
If you are at a bar or club, and she says she is there with friends, go out of your way to meet them and make a good impression. If her friends like you and trust you, she will too. Just the fact that you met them at all has the subconscious effect of saying to her “there is no way he would try anything stupid now because my friends know who he is.”
Another thing that builds trust is sharing new experiences and seeing new places.
If you are in a club and you have just met her, simply moving to different places in the club can start to accomplish this at a really small level. Going from there to the burger place around the corner would be a next step before possibly trying to go back to your place.
Or thinking of your second meeting, it is why window-shopping together can be better than just having coffee, for example. You would be seeing tons of new things together, going to different places.
Or if you are meeting her to do one activity, meet somewhere different from where you will be doing that activity, then go there together. The idea is that the more places she has been with you “unharmed” the more she can subconsciously trust you.
Here is a great example of this idea: Let’s say you are meeting her for coffee and she is driving. Don’t just meet her at the coffee shop! Have her meet you at your place and tell her you will go together from there for coffee. When she gets there, invite her up “just for 5 minutes to see the place”. Once she sees your place in the daytime, and leaves “unharmed” with you for the coffee, she will be much more receptive later when you invite her to come by at night for a movie or something else.
On a final note, it should be no secret that simply making her laugh often will build trust.
Humor isn’t something most of us are just born with, but it can be learned. If you are challenged in the humor area, watch more comedies than you would otherwise.
One thing that can be helpful is to watch a video of a stand up comedy routine the day before you meet a girl, as this sort of can rub off on you and get your brain’s “comedy circuits” primed and ready to go!
There is a lot to learn about building Trust & Comfort with women, but simply being aware of how important it really is will improve your results as long as you are constantly aware of it. To learn more about building trust and comfort with women, as well as everything else you need to be successful with women, be sure to get your copy of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs if you haven’t already!
Gaining your trust & comfort one newsletter at a time,
Ray Devans
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