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Get in Touch with Your Inner Asshole
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
October 23rd, 2006
In a recent question from someone who bought The Art of the Pickup» DVDs, we got asked about why some of the guys on the DVD come off as “assholes” in a few of the scenes. I wrote him a back with a short answer, but the whole issue about being nice needs to be covered in more depth.
You see, for the longest time I was one of the proverbial nice guys, and it worked OK with some women but really badly with other women. I used to be baffled by guys who were total dicks to women but still dated really attractive women. Worse still, some of these guys even physically abused the women they dated, and yet these beautiful women still came back for more.
That last one in particular used to confuse me, because I would talk to these women and showed genuine concern, which in turn I figured would also have the nice side effect of causing them to be attracted to me as a potential savior from their horrible situation. I would tell them I would protect them from the abusive boyfriend, etc. None of this ever worked, these girls would stay with the guy despite everything else.
Now, while I still would never harm any woman physically, I have finally come to understand one aspect of why guys who act like assholes or even abuse their women can still attract really good looking women. It all comes down to evolution.
You see, evolution is ruthless. It pretty much weeds out the weak over time, and promotes the strong. The strong kill the weak, and the weak don’t survive. This is called natural selection.
You have probably seen how this works in the animal kingdom if you ever watch the Discovery channel shows, etc. But human evolution was just as ruthless, and in some ways still is. When push comes to shove, throughout history it has been the “asshole” who tends to survive. We had different names for it, like Machiavellian behavior etc., but the common thread remains the same.
Evolution also works faster through what is called sexual selection. That’s where the females of a species realize that if they look for certain of these survival traits in the males of the species, then their offspring will be more likely to survive. So not only do the strong get to survive, but they get to have sex and reproduce too, because the females figure out that the weak males won’t have offspring that are likely to survive either.
Humans are a bit more complex, but there are still a lot of women who look for overall strength of this type on at least some levels, and stay away from nice guys for the above reasons. Now there are other kinds of “strength” that can be displayed these days that some women will find attractive, but the reason we also show the “asshole” approach in The Art of the Pickup» DVDs is that is what some women respond to.
You might be saying to yourself, “But I don’t want to ever act like an asshole to get a girl!” and I don’t blame you. I honestly don’t want to either. But let me convince you of the occasional need for being the opposite of nice by giving you the following analogy.
Let’s say you have a chair that has taken some abuse over the years, and it’s on the verge of falling apart. You have some nails, a hammer, and a screwdriver. The screwdriver might be your favorite tool, but in order to save this chair, you are going to have to pound in a few nails with that hammer, like it or not, because that is the tool for this job. If you don’t do it, the next person that sits on that chair might just cause it to break, and then you have a bigger job on your hands.
In some cases, women are like these chairs. For whatever reason (maybe you don’t even buy the evolutional argument above) they just respond to asshole type guys. But as I have mentioned, it’s been my experience that a lot of these types of guys tend to be physically abusive as well. If you don’t come along and attract them with what they like, a guy who is a real asshole will, and then where will you be, and where will she be? That is right, some asshole is going to go sit on her too hard and, like the chair, she will be totally busted.
Over ten years ago, one of the most gorgeous girls I ever dated left me for a total asshole guy. It was only many years later she realized I might have been the better choice, but by then we were literally continents apart and dating other people, it was too late. This guy wound up stealing lots of money from her, and made her life a nightmare.
I might not even be writing this newsletter to you know if I had just acted a little more dominant, a little more like what some people might consider to be an asshole. (In fact, another thing I want to say here is that what we show in The Art of the Pickup» in some scenes is really subjective, and not all people would even think the behavior is that of an asshole.)
So knowing what I know now, I sometimes look back with a twinge of regret that I didn’t have the tools to keep her attracted. That I didn’t use the hammer instead of the screwdriver. If I could have just ACTED like an asshole long enough, without really being one, I would have had the girl of my dreams, and her life would have been better off too.
There you have it; nature doesn’t always want us to be nice. Nature wants us to pass on our genes; it doesn’t care if you are naughty or nice. So there may be times where you need to get in touch with your inner asshole!
The way I approach things now is that I sometimes act like a bit of an asshole with women, but I am always keeping their actual best interest in the back of my mind. Believe me, at my core this is still a hard thing to do, because I am really that same nice guy from a long time ago, I just know how to show it only at the right times.
If all of this leaves you scratching your head, then you are just like me those many years ago. You will probably have to see it to believe it. And that is why we created The Art of the Pickup», so guys like me back then, who might be a guy like you right now, could actually see the tools and behaviors of guys who were successful with women.
You will see approaches where the guys act fairly nice, and those where the guys don’t act so nice. You will get a chance to understand when to use each style, or just stick to the one you like best. But at the end of it all, you will have the toolset needed for all types of women, and at least you won’t have to be like me and wonder “what if”. So get yourself a copy of The Art of the Pickup» DVD set today. Nature wants you to!
Have a not-so-nice day,
Ray Devans
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