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Learn To Read
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
October 26th, 2006
Welcome to the Pickup Arts Literacy Training…
Did you know that many adults can’t read? In many developed countries, as much as 10% of the population can’t read at all, and about 30% have serious reading comprehension issues.
Did you know that there is an even greater form of illiteracy out there? It is made up of men who can’t read the signs, cues, and subtext from women.
Whether you realize it or not, it is possible you may not be able to “read” women.
This is a form of illiteracy you must overcome!
So what do I mean by “read” women? …
When you talk and interact with a woman, when you observe a woman, she is not just communicating with words. She is communicating with the MEANING behind those words, in addition to sending cues of her feeling on those words based on her body language» and actual actions before, during, and after.
As an obvious example, if a woman says “I really like you” but never goes out of her way to do anything nice for you, or even acknowledge you any more than the times you initiate, there is a clear contradiction.
The men who are better at reading such things will either not waste their time with her or understand how to communicate back to her effectively that the contradiction is unacceptable, providing her an opportunity to adjust her behavior.
Women don’t do act this way to be conniving; it’s just their mechanism for survival and optimizing the quality of people (especially men) in their lives. By “better” I don’t mean literally better (we’ve all seen plenty of high quality women with jerks) but better able to read what needs to be read, interpret, and respond accordingly through words, body language», and actions which will allow HER to read YOU as a high quality man she will want in her life.
So what are the various areas of communication you should pay attention to with women?
- Her Subtext: The “hints” she gives amongst the jumble of words coming out of her mouth.
- Her Body Language»: How her body shifts, moves, rests, and leans whenever she is saying something or reacting to something.
- Eye Contact: How she maintains (or doesn’t maintain) eye contact and various things she which may happen with her eyes.
- Her Actions: What she ACTUALLY has done, is doing, or will do, whether in conflict with her words or not.
- Her Topics: What she talks about and how she talks about it or tells stories.
Statements & Questions: What kind of statements does she make, and what kind of questions she asks.
- How She Dresses: Not just WHAT she’s wearing, but HOW she wears it.
Touch: How she touches and reacts to touch.
- Her Touch: How she touches and reacts to different kinds of touch.
Specifically, here are some examples of the ways women will communicate or MIS-communicate that you should be aware of:
SUBTEXT:
She may be talking about the cashier at the convenience store, but she may also be signaling the types of behaviors she finds attractive, offensive, weird, scary, or fascinating. For example, if a woman wants a daring man, wants you to know she wants a daring man, and wants to know if you are a daring man, she will not just say “I want a daring man and hope you are one.” If she did, every shmuck who she tells that to will just act as if he’s got daring qualities which actually say to her “he is just doing that and it’s not real.” Instead, at most she will drop it into subtext and the “better” men will be able to READ it and capitalize.
BODY LANGUAGE»:
There is no harm in repeating what you may have already heard a few dozen times. If her body language» is closed or locked up, then she’s being defensive. If her body is open then she’s being open. If she doesn’t face you directly when talking to you, she feels higher value than you. If she points her feet at you while standing, she has some interest. If she leans in, she’s interested. Leans back, she’s not. If she shifts her hair away to display her neck, she is flirting. Etc. A lot of this you may have learned already. What you need to do now is connect it to her VERBAL communications (along with subtext) and READ the true picture.
EYE CONTACT:
If she maintains eye contact, she is more likely being honest. If her eyes look away almost every time she needs to answer a question, then she’s “accessing” which means she has to think about it before answering which usually means she’s not being entirely honest. If she looks at you and both her eyes sort of “vibrate” a bit back-and-forth then she is somewhat overwhelmed by your communication or in a little distress as to how to follow through. If she mostly keeps eye contact but makes a jerking motion (turn) with her head while reacting to you then she’s being shy (insecure) or may be thinking about something (maybe sexual or playful) she doesn’t want you to know about. You can READ a lot of information by casually observing all these eye things.
HER ACTIONS:
Mostly you should observe a woman’s actions to understand what most resembles what she is likely to actually do in the future or how she TRULY feels about something. If she says she doesn’t like men who order her around yet every one of her past boyfriends ordered her around and she only broke up with them when she tamed them, then clearly she is only relaying (at most) a belief in how she would LIKE to be. You will be able to READ that actually a certain behavior will attract her more than another, regardless of what she SAYS.
HER TOPICS:
What does she talk about a lot? What kinds of things draw her attention? Does she claim to be a hippy type but always seems to talk about fashion and conservative topics? What kind of people does she talk about? What things in the news interest her? Does she even bring up anything from the news or does she exclusively talk about certain shows on primetime TV? You can READ a lot about her based on her common topics.
HOW SHE DRESSES:
Conservative? Casual? High Maintenance? Does the way she dress contradict anything about her? In a good or bad way? Sneakers? Skirt? Pleated pants? Does she pay attention to details and try to draw attention to herself or is she understated and low key? You can READ her style.
HER TOUCH:
Does she touch you when talking to you? Where? How often? Does she reciprocate your touches? If a woman starts touching you a lot when you talk to her then she’s either really interested or really friendly. Either is pretty good. If she jumps or reacts a bit off when you touch her, then she’s communicating that your vibe is not sitting well with her. What about the objects around her? If she is toying incessantly with an object, then she’s nervous. If she plays with her hair while talking, she’s attracted. Her manner of touch with you and the people and things around her will allow you to READ her internal sensitivities of her interaction with you.
Wow, I hope I didn’t overwhelm you today with too many things to think about and pay attention to. Realize you can learn a lot of this over time and what better way to learn than interacting with LOTS of women?
Always writing for your reading pleasure,
Jay Valens
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