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Live In Your Reality, Not Hers
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
November 7th, 2006
“The successful man knows that he is the ultimate reward for the woman… he is in his reality, not hers.” – quote from “The Art of the Pickup»” DVD set.
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Today we are going to talk about a subject that falls under the category of inner game». Namely, we are going to talk about the idea of living in your own reality.
Now some of you logical thinkers might be saying “well, by definition I live in my own reality”. And to that I say, “You are a slave, Neo!”
Yes, that was an excerpt from the movie “The Matrix” for all you movie buffs. For those few who haven’t seen the movie, that is the part where Neo learns that his whole life he has been living inside an intricate program that only simulates reality.
And that is in fact the way a lot of us actually live. There are many levels to this, but here we will concentrate on the aspect of living in the reality of women that you are trying to date or seduce, instead of your own reality.
Think about it for a second, if you are living in your own reality that you choose, how would you act in any encounter with a woman?
Would you have behavior set 1.) where you:
-always cater to her needs?
-worry about what she thinks all the time?
-try to put her on a pedestal in order to win her favor?
Or would you have behavior set 2.) where you:
-assume she wants to cater to your needs?
-let her worry about what you are thinking?
-let her be the one to pursue you and put you on a pedestal?
Hopefully you chose behavior set 2.
But, if you ask yourself what most of your encounters you have had with women you want were like, I will bet they were described by behavior set 1.
That is because society has set us up to live in the reality of others, not our own. This is especially true in the dating game. And it is our parents, coworkers, Hollywood, etc. that is the Matrix which programmed you to be that way.
But the paradox is that if you do live in your own reality, you will have a unique appeal to women who are not used that. You will be a challenge to them. You will appear powerful. They will want you. It will save you time, money, and grief.
I tell you this from personal experience.
Its all embodied in a quote from a very successful friend of ours from Canada, who always admonished guys to “stop caring what she thinks, only care about what you want!” This guy slept with over 1000 women in his life, so it was pretty clear that advice was working for him, and clearly he was living in his own reality!
Now in some ways this type of advice is going to sound extreme, but the fact is that given social programming, you will probably never be able to reach this level of fully living in your own reality. So even if you strive to swing to that extreme, you probably never will so no need to worry. Just focus on yourself a lot more than you probably do now, and things will change for the better for you with women.
You might need an analogy here to understand this. Your current behavior probably values the woman’s reality more than your own, which results in you pursuing her. By doing the opposite, you get the power and she has to chase you.
The analogy is that of your shadow: your shadow retreats when you pursue it, and follows when you walk away from it. It is your choice whether to pursue that shadow, or let it pursue you.
Now all of this having been said, your actions are going to have to match this reality for the advice to work. You will have to know how to take the lead with women. How to appear dominant and actually act and be dominant. You will have to know how to make your standards and expectations known to her.
All these concepts and behaviors and more are covered in great detail for you on “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs. You will see all these behaviors displayed by the men in the video so that you can copy them yourself in your daily life. As we always say, seeing is believing, and seeing is the best way to learn, you will get more out of a few seconds of watching the DVDs than reading this entire newsletter.
Ray Devans
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