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Perception Is 90% Reality
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
November 9th, 2006
Today we’ve got a key concept to cover.
It’s simple to explain and understand but it is profound in how it will allow you to see how almost about everyone makes his or her decisions and why and how you can apply it to your pursuit of women.
At first it may sound like I’m just talking about marketing, but ALL of this applies to what we call “the field” of pickup. You are a product and you want your product to SELL. You want it to sell so well that customers (the ladies) are pounding on your door constantly to buy what you have, and keep coming back for more.
I used to work for a software company that made multimedia games. Mostly we made children’s games, so we had to ensure the way we designed the games was both simple to be installed and used by children. The founders of the company came from a background of producing highly successful multimedia games for other companies but this was their first foray trying to have the same success within a business of their own.
The whole point of our software creation process was not just to make engaging games but to make sure those games were usable and understandable to children. The last thing you want is to make the child frustrated about how to use the game because the point is the experience and not the “how to”.
You would think that a company composed of people who are skilled at making engaging and easy-to-use games for children would easily understand how to best market those game, right?
Not initially.
The owners finally hired a marketing manager who had an excellent reputation for getting results in retail markets.
He was there to figure things out for us… and he did. He got results.
I was always curious at his ability to do this, to see what it is that we weren’t seeing or to know what things to do that we weren’t already doing.
One day I was in the copy room while this marketing wizard, Steve, was having a conversation with his assistant manager, Joe.
Here’s how the conversation went (roughly):
Joe: “…I don’t understand. That doesn’t
make any sense.”
Steve: “Of course not, but it makes enough
sense to the type of person viewing the
ad that our conversion rate will
increase from a 3% response rate to
around 7-10%, like we did on our last
campaign, going from 1% to 3%.”
Joe: “But I don’t understand why – some
of what’s being said in the ad isn’t a
real fact and just talks about how the
person buying the game will feel and
how the kids will feel about the game,
without talking about as many cool
features as we described before.”
Steve: “Joe, that’s because perception is
90% of people’s reality.”
Joe: “What do you mean?”
Steve: “If you tell someone what reality
is, that does not necessarily cause
them to prescribe to that reality.
But if you tell them how you want
them to feel about your version of
reality, and that they will feel that
way, they will have something to
PERCEIVE. They will have a reality
they can consider, and if they
prescribe to it then it becomes 90%
of their belief about whatever it is
you’re selling. And 90% belief in
something is better than uncertainty
about what a list of facts and figures
means to them or should mean to
them, even if the facts and figures
are amazing and accurate.”
Let’s break this down. You have a kick-ass product (YOU) so you think just talking about how great it is will work, right? Maybe. But what if the guy next to you has the same or better product?
Let’s hold off on answering this for a minute and consider things from the perspective of a woman.
If a woman has multiple men interested in her, she knows that any one of them might have the same potential to be whatever it is she wants from a man. Those men can figure this out and compete with each other to change themselves be what it is she wants. She will then have men coming to her with a matter-of-fact way of going about things and “promoting” themselves to her and, for the most part, that’s how the food chain for men works.
Men then either pursue a single woman obsessively and try to become exactly what they think she wants OR they prescribe to a certain belief about what women want in general and work hard to conform as best as they can -- thinking it is all about looks, wealth, status, fame.
But that’s how the mediocre operate. They put almost all their effort to compete and then HOPE that what they have at that time is good enough to help them get the kind of woman they want. Sure, I am not going to knock having things like great looks and wealth (they help!) but when you are interested in pursuing women then putting all your effort there will be like traveling 500 miles by mule to scoop a drink of water from a great lake when you can just turn your faucet on at home.
If those men luck out and get the kind of woman they want, they are still needing to “compete” for her after that because at any time someone can come along and snatch her because they “have more” of what she wants. It also puts them in the precarious position of always needing to reinvent themselves every time they want to pursue a brand new woman and, if they can’t, find themselves stuck limited to the same kind of women all the time.
So how do the guys at the top of the food chain of love beat this system?
Do they ignore the competitive environment? Certainly not, they put the necessary effort to ensure they can BE in the game but, beyond that, their focus is not even competing with other men. It is competing with perceptions and 100% of that is centered on the woman.
They are apart from the system. They toy with it.
In order to bypass the competitive game and maximize your results with a woman, you have 2 main areas of perception you can focus on:
1. Her perception of you
2. Her perception of what she wants
Perception is malleable. It can change a lot more easily than reality itself. We all have a different pair of eyes and ears anyway, so what does it matter whether you sell yourself on reality or perception so long as you get results? This is very different from lying, which can really do a lot of damage to you in the long run; it’s an adjustment of angles and perspectives of what’s already there. It’s a lot easier and more effective than changing reality.
You don’t have to be exactly what she wants; you simply focus on helping her perceive that you are what she wants. Once she perceives that, it becomes 90% reality.
You also don’t have to conform to her perceptions of what she wants. You can focus on helping her change her perception of what she wants. So long as she can perceive a different belief about what she wants, you simply ensure that what she perceives she wants is you the way you already are. Neither way of thinking is true or false, it’s just a different perspective.
If you find it difficult to do one or the other 100% effectively, you can meet both methods halfway. Influence enough of her beliefs of her own desires to get you halfway there, and then influence enough of her beliefs about you to close the gap.
So, now, when I say “beliefs about you” or “beliefs about what she wants”, do I mean to convince her with facts and figures and claims? Certainly not and just as in my example of Steve the marketing wizard shows, you focus on her FEELINGS attached to either because, just like designing children’s game or an ad for such a game, it’s about the EXPERIENCE.
Her goal for herself is happiness and feeling good.
That is the focus.
Being with you will make her FEEL good. It doesn’t matter that there could be 100 other men should could choose from, all that will matter for her is either you match her belief of what she wants or her beliefs of what she wants match who you are… or a combination of both.
Just about all your actions towards and with her will be focused on the notion that she WILL feel good when she’s with you. Not by telling her and not by convincing her, but by showing her through your mannerisms, words, vibe, and attitude. And, to help make sure she doesn’t have a difficult time matching what you are to what she wants, you help change her perception of what she wants. Not by forcing her or explaining through logic, but by leading her towards the thinking that her desires are better fulfilled with a different perception of what she wants and she will be happier for it. It just so happens you will be leading her to you.
When THIS is what she perceives could be possible for her, then the rest barely matters if at all. She will do the work for you from that point on.
Keepin’ it perceived,
Jay Valens
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