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Special Guest Writer Julian on Body Language»
by Julian
of The Art of the Pickup
August 21st, 2006
--------
The biggest thing to be aware of when approaching and interacting with women is your body language». How you communicate non-verbally is really much more important than what you are actually saying.
When talking to an attractive woman, a common thought that will go through your mind is, “wow, she is really beautiful, she is too attractive for me, I just hope she likes me”. And you continue talking with this thought in the back of your mind.
Unbeknownst to you, you are actually conveying these thoughts through your non-verbal communication with your lack of eye contact, nervous ticks, tonality etc. And women will pick up on this, trust me.
Most pickup information out there will tell you to always think of yourself higher than her, to believe that you are of higher value than her.
This is great advice, but most people just can’t genuinely change their belief patterns like that right away. So until you really do believe you are of higher value you'll have to act it; here's how:
When you ask her a question and she doesn't respond or shows signs of not intending to answer you, make sure you keep the eye contact and gesture with your hand in a circular motion saying 'so.....'.
If she still doesn't respond you can just tease her about it and say something like “ah, so your brain dead huh?” (in a congruent fun way).
The point here is, in moments when she is not responsive the key is to not quickly change the subject like most guys do. But rather keep your power and communicate to her that you are not overly impressed by her beauty or affected by her unresponsive attitude.
Here's another great trick whenever you feel really nervous:
Act out the following body language» that will get you through any situation.
- Maintain eye contact almost all the time. -- Don't just read this and think “yeah, I know that”. Really be aware of it when you’re in interactions with women and make sure whenever things are not going well to always keep eye contact.
- Slow body movements -- this can really not be underestimated. Always be aware of moving your arms, neck, and even eye lids overly slow. Just think if you were the most relaxed you could possibly be, how would you move? Try it out next time you go out and see what happens.
- Talk smooth. -- Just try it, talk slow with a lot of pauses. Trust me, she won’t get bored. Remember, talking smooth includes keeping eye contact and using slow body movements.
- Be aware of any nervous ticks you might have. -- This means no tapping the table with your fingers or touching your face or doing anything with your feet or hands that is not relaxed.
The key is to first be aware that you do them, then to remember to act relaxed.
Another great thing to do when you go blank or just don't know what to do is this:
Look slightly up and right as if you are thinking about something. (This is naturally where you look when you are thinking). And hold that position for as long as you need until you have composed yourself and can safely enter back into the interaction.
She might ask you to answer or continue and you can just respond by saying “hang on, I’m just thinking”. Then you can look back at her when your ready and continue as if nothing happened. This little technique actually works for you in three ways:
1. Lets you compose yourself in a way that hides any nervous signs you would otherwise show.
2. Displays to her that you are not overly impressed by her and your not trying to impress her every second of the interaction. She will notice this!
3. Works like a vacuum, sucking her in because it acts like you’re “leaning back” thus she “leans in”.
These are just a few little things that I've found very powerful and makes interacting with women much easier. You will be surprised at how this learning back relaxed smooth attitude works on women. Go try it out!
Remember, to really understand some of the deeper concepts of body language» and actually see how this stuff is done, we’ve produced “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs for you for exactly that purpose.
Showing you how it’s done,
Julian
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