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The Spreadsheet of Love
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
May 24th, 2007
Don’t laugh, but I have a friend who loves to track a lot of the things he does in spreadsheets. He even tracks the level of success he has when doing (or not doing) certain things with women.
It may seem like a weird, nerdy thing to do but sometimes it really does the trick to help separate your feelings about something and what might actually be a more productive behavior. And in order to get enough information for a meaningful statistic, it requires regular activity in doing those things.
For example, this friend of mine kept track of all the times he paid for dinner for on a first “date” (or however you want to call the first 1:1 meeting after getting her contact info) and all the times he didn’t (not meaning he stiffed her with the bill, but dinner was split).
What he found was, statistically, he was more likely to have sex with her if he didn’t pay for her dinner. There COULD have been either factors involved, but statistically for that one difference, he saw that he was getting better results when not paying for her dinner. So he stopped doing it entirely and his overall success increased a little bit and he didn’t have to bother checking that statistic anymore, and focused on another variable to track.
Just like in the movie Groundhog Day, my friend would keep track of many different variables in the course of meeting and interacting with women and what the results were. The most important result to him was not the nuance reactions from the women or the little variation in results but ultimately whether he ended up having sex with them or not.
Doing this gave him the freedom to test and try different things and helped move his focus away from what the outcome might be and more to just try different things and see what happened. He still had an active role in working toward the outcomes he wanted but he would change the way he actively pursued the goals. Afterwards, he would jot down all the details he remembered about the interactions and once in a while put all of the information together in a spreadsheet to compare results.
How many things can you enter into your own spreadsheet of love? If you put together a spreadsheet of the past 6 months, would you have enough to get any reliable statistics from? If not, then that by itself may be limiting your success no matter what level it’s at right now.
If you do have plenty to throw into your own spreadsheet, are you paying attention to the major differences in all the interactions to be able to determine what made the difference in achieving your goal versus not?
It’s totally up to you whether you want to make use of this way of tracking your progress and what kind of things work better for you than others, but if you do decide to try this out just keep in mind that the quality of information you get out of it is dependent on the volume and quality of information you put in, and that is dependent on you having an regular active role in the process of meeting and being more successful with women.
Summing it all up for you,
Jay Valens
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