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When Success Doesn’t Make Sense
by Jay Valens
of The Art of the Pickup
January 14th, 2008
Clubs are not my favorite, and I barely like spending time in bars. Still, I know many guys will see those environments as having the highest concentration of young available women and for a busy life it does solve a convenience issue.
Women enjoy attention, they crave it, and it’s the primary reason they go to clubs. They don’t go to clubs with the same mindset as guys. It’s hard to see that on the surface, but it’s true.
When you meet a woman in a club and hit it off right away, you can take things in one of 2 directions. You can either go for a one night stand (ONS) or angle to follow through with meeting her outside the club at a later time, on another day.
Usually, in fact nearly 100% of the time, women will never go to clubs alone, they will go with friends, people they know, other girls, and sometimes guys. So EVEN IF they are there with the same mindset as you, to get laid, they still have the social pressure of their peers to consider.
That social pressure weighs on their heads in ways that men will never know, and it keeps them from acting in ways that their peers might see as being distinctly separate from merely “garnering or enjoying attention” and more like “being easy”, or a being seen as a “slut”.
That means a woman will dirty dance, be grabby, flirt, make out, and show all indications and signs that she’s ready and willing to have sex and then abruptly stop that behavior or act evasive at the end of the night when the lights go on and the club is closing up.
In those moments of perceived self-studliness, you may think everything is on the right track and all you need to do is leave with her and you’ll be rewarded with a night of animalistic boom-boom. Then the axe drops and it feels like you have a wall 2 feet thick to bust through to take things further.
Does it mean she was just faking interest the whole time? No, but if your goal is to take things further that night, you can’t presume that you can just walk out the door with her as the only remaining effort.
When you are making out with her, you should also be assessing what the deal is with her friends and help her to help you provide a context that allows you to end up with her at the end of the night. It could be that her friends have plans for somewhere to go after leaving the club, or she is responsible for driving someone home, or one or more of her friends would judge her uncomfortably if she simply left with an unknown guy.
If you get hot & heavy with a woman in a club, then you are really only leaving one option on the table for yourself – sleeping with her that night. If you don’t follow through that night, it’s highly unlikely you will ever be able to hook up with her any other time in the future.
So, to make it work, you need to understand the context of what is going on with her peers so that you can work yourself into that context innocuously and eventually work your way towards finding a legitimate area of isolation for you and her where sex can happen. It could be that you tag along to an after-party with them, invite them all to your place, take the same cab, or otherwise get some or most of those friends to separate out n their own with an implied consent that they approve of you hanging with her. It’s possible, but it’s a lot of tricky work, and if it flops then you’re pretty much lost her as an option and it’s the end of the night with no more options.
So, ask yourself – does that kind of success make sense?
In those situations, the very thing that is causing you to believe that you’re on your way to success is actually premature. It sure feels good and boosts your ego, but you’re not going to be satisfied with that at the end of the night, whereas most women can be, and you’re left with a dry blue feeling in your pants on your way home alone that has no way to get resolved unless you go through the same ritual again another night and follow through then.
And, even if you could angle to follow through, your success will be a ONS, and you will start from scratch again another night with another girl. If that’s what you’re after, that’s fine, just be prepared to get really good at the game of follow-through as the ONLY way to bed your focus of your desire, because when you get hot & heavy with a woman in a club, the mood will change drastically if you try to follow through later on another day after the sub rises and her thoughts normalize.
She will think twice, hesitate, and rationalize her way out of it. She will feel objectified and cause herself to believe that the only reason you want to meet with her is because you perceive her as “easy” and you just want to sleep with her. Hey, it could be true, and that could be all you do want, but if that’s what she is inspired to think, then it will NEVER HAPPEN.
If, instead, you want to do the boom-boom and maintain her as an option for more than just one night, you have to resist extreme physical escalation within the club. You have to basically still relay interest but become a literal “tease” whenever she tries to obtain that kind of physical attention from you.
Wait until you’ve left the club, and are somewhere else, or following through at a later time or day, to escalate physically. Maintaining that kind of patience may feel like you are not getting immediate success but it will result in a much more fulfilling sex life, because you can build such interest with multiple women in one night, follow through with all of them, and it only takes one success from that group to make it worthwhile, and that success is more likely to provide you repeat satisfaction rather than a ONS.
That kind of patience also offers you the additional opportunity that even if you don’t achieve the horizontal mambo with some of the women you follow up with outside the club, you can still maintain a context of befriending them and get introduced to their friends and increase your social circles, which adds additional opportunities to meet many more women.
Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
Jay Valens
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