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Why Seduction Can Come First
by Ray Devans
of The Art of the Pickup
September 11th, 2006
One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make is to not even try to have sex with a woman they are seeing because they are trying to make them think that they are a “nice guy”. Or they may not try to have sex with the woman because they are under the mistaken idea that if they have sex too soon that they can’t have a long-term relationship with the woman.
It is a mistake that I USED to make, and I wish that I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now and NOT make that mistake, because it cost me so many missed opportunities with women.
I am here to explain to you why seduction can come first, so that you don’t have to regret future mistakes and missed opportunities.
The first thing we have to understand is what usually really happens when a man doesn’t try for sex soon enough…
What happens is that often the woman grows bored with him, and doesn’t see him as being fully masculine. And they leave them for a man who does want to have sex.
“Wait a second!” you are saying, “if that were true, why is it that when I try for sex early on, women usually don’t go for it? If what you are telling me was true, then shouldn’t I be succeeding more with women when I try for sex?”
My answer is that you have to understand that women want sex just as much or more than men do, but they generally want it on their terms, when they are comfortable with the man and when they feel they can trust him. This is a key concept that is taught in the Foundation section of “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs.
Women want the OPTION of being able to have sex; they are in fact accustomed to having that OPTION. But if they don’t even see that they have that option with you, what is the use of hanging around with you? (There are cases where you can make yourself look like a challenge in order to make her more attracted to you, but if she really believes there is zero chance of sex, that is not a good thing.)
My experience has been that when I don’t act as a sexual being around a woman I like is that she quickly tells me she just wants to be friends, and starts dating a guy who does come on to her sexually.
This is the experience of many, many men I have known.
So now we know the risk.
Of course, knowing the right way to seduce a woman is a separate skill, and that needs to be learned.
If you do it wrong, you can also repel the woman, but in my opinion its STILL better than not trying at all, since you can at least learn what doesn’t work by trying.
And if you need help in that department, “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs teach you the skill of seduction, especially when you are alone with a woman in your house or apartment.
Knowing the reason why you can’t just sit on the sidelines, we should now dispel the myth that having sex early on means you can’t have a meaningful, long term relationship.
Again, personal experience here and that of many men that I know simply shows otherwise.
Personally, some of the best and longest relationships I have ever had were the ones where there was an INSTANT sexual attraction that was satisfied, er, rather quickly shall we say!
It is true that there is more to a relationship than just sex, but it turns out that if you are compatible mentally with a woman, than having sex early with a woman probably only serves to make you closer.
Having sex is a pair bonding experience, it literally can CAUSE you to fall in love, and for women this is especially true if they are having orgasm with you during sex.
The reason is simple, women who orgasm during sex are more likely to become pregnant than those who do not. Now, I trust you are using a condom, so that normally wouldn’t appear to be an issue, but the deeper structures of the human mind have not evolved yet to tell the difference between normal sex and condom sex.
All that part of a woman’s mind knows is that if she has sex with you and has an orgasm when you do, there is a greater chance she might become pregnant with your child (again, her primitive mind does not understand the concept of a condom). So it is in her best interest to bond with you, to fall in love with you, because if you leave, she would be in trouble. So evolution has literally programmed women to feel very intimate towards a man after she has orgasm with him during sex.
Now if you haven’t learned how to give women orgasms, that is regrettably about the only thing not covered on “The Art of the Pickup»” DVDs, but there are tons of books and videos you can buy on the subject. And sex by itself still helps build love and intimacy even without orgasm, so you are still covered there.
I personally think that the popular stereotype that says you can’t have a meaningful long term relationship if you have sex too soon comes from societal pressures against people to not be promiscuous. It also comes from those cases where people try to have a relationship JUST BECAUSE they had sex soon. If it turns out they don’t have a lot in common, then duh, yeah, a long term relationship may well be hard, but the act of having sex soon was NOT the reason the relationship couldn’t go forward as is often assumed to be the case.
So the takeaway here is that, at least for a man, seduction can always come first without jeopardizing the possibility of a long-term relationship. And in fact, if you go in the opposite direction and don’t even hint at the possibility of sex, then the possibility of sex AND a long term relationship are much less likely.
Your fast moving friend,
Ray Devans
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