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First Date Question
by The Modern Man
of The Modern Man
October 12th, 2006
Okay, so you've got her phone number. Will she want to meet up with you?
We’ve received a number of first date questions from readers over the past few weeks. So, in today’s newsletter I’m going to begin part one of a two-part newsletter on topics related to first dates.
Question from a reader:
“I've been reading TMM ebook and must say that the part you wrote about going for the one-night stand because it often turns to a long-term relationship-really clicked an 'aaahhaaa' momment for me.
Now i've been working on this area of my life for about 6 months now and my 'game' has increased 6 fold. I can easily go out to a bar, attract a woman and kiss her that night. Getting phone numbers is no problem me for either. What i need help on right now is the follow up/arranging a second meeting/the day2. Would love to hear some specific ideas/examples on what you/BEN/STU do on a day2.
Thanks in advance
Jake”
Mate, thanks for the e-mail and the little plug about my e-book.
There are several topics I could talk about from your e-mail, however I’m going to zone in on one of the more commonly asked first date questions:
How do I follow up on a phone number and set up a first date?
Jake, firstly I’d recommend that you go back to page 116 and start reading from where I cover the following topics:
* Getting phone numbers.
* Before making the call.
* The first call.
* Setting up a meet.
* When a woman is being vague or difficult about meeting up.
* We set up our first date and she cancelled!
* What do to on a date.
Now, let’s get started!
I’m going to begin by pointing out a few interesting things about women and phone numbers…
1. Most women give their phone number out quite often. In fact, it’s not uncommon for an attractive woman to do so a few times a weekend.
2. If you get a woman’s phone number, it doesn’t mean that it will progress any further.
3. Once you have a woman’s phone number, you’ll also need to know HOW to successfully take things to the next level.
With those points in mind, let’s look at HOW you can set yourself apart from the other guys that she might give her phone number to…
FOLLOWING UP
PLAYING hard to get when you follow up on a phone number is what some ‘dating gurus’ will tell you to do.
Apparently it makes the woman like you more by ‘increasing your perceived value.’
But at The Modern Man we see things a little differently…
Instead of PLAYING hard to get, why not genuinely develop some STANDARDS of what you:
a) Want from a woman in your life.
b) Will accept from women.
c) Won’t accept from women.
You may be thinking, “How does developing standards apply to following up on new phone numbers and setting up first dates?”
Good question.
To demonstrate, I’m going to reveal a secret that many guys who are NATURALLY good with women will understand…
Have you ever interacted with a guy that you found yourself trying to impress or ‘prove yourself’ to?
It’s not as if he blatantly said, “Go on…impress me!” but there was something about his ‘vibe’ and the way he conducted himself that caused you to seek his acceptance and approval.
Think about the interaction and ask yourself:
“Did I change my behaviour in an effort to impress him?”
“Did I try to win his approval by highlighting ‘aspects’ of myself and my achievements?”
Chances are that the HONEST ones amongst you will answer “Yes” to those questions. We’ve all been in that situation at least once before.
So, why did you try to impress that particular person?
Mostly likely, it was to seek his acceptance and approval of YOU AS A PERSON. You may have sensed that:
a) He wasn’t the type of person to just accept anyone and everyone who interacted with him.
b) He was judging you based on his own STANDARDS of what he expected from people.
On the flipside, have you ever met a guy who sought the acceptance and approval of almost everyone he interacted with?
Typically, a guy like that will:
1) Be poor at attracting women.
2) Not be the ‘alpha male»’ in social situations.
3) Not command much respect from people.
4) Let his standards slide in return for attention from people.
5) Often be the butt of jokes.
Now, stop for a moment and think now about how this relates to following up on phone numbers and setting up first dates with women.
Have you been able to work it out?
Okay, I’ll tell you…
People will SENSE IT when you have standards and aren’t the sort of person to just accept anything that comes your way.
As a bonus, women will feel LUCKY to be going on a date with you.
That’s right, LUCKY.
A woman will SENSE that you won’t ignore her shortcomings or unacceptable behaviours, JUST so you can be with a woman. As a result, she will naturally begin to bring her best qualities to the forefront to impress YOU.
That’s right, impress YOU.
It’s important to remember something at this point: I am not suggesting that you pretend to have standards so you can PLAY hard to get.
I am suggesting that you genuinely spend some time working out what you:
a) Want from a woman in your life.
b) Will accept from women.
c) Won’t accept from women.
Some of you may be asking, “But won’t I have less options with women if I NARROW the types of women I will accept?”
Not at all.
Ironically, it is the complete opposite.
MORE women will want to win you over.
MORE women will want to be the ‘lucky girl’ who gets to be with you.
MORE women will answer your phone calls and happily turn up to dates to see you again.
All the best!
Dan
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