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Why Doesn't She Want To Meet Up With Me?
by Ben - Modern Man Coach
of The Modern Man
January 3rd, 2006
As we all know, the purpose of getting a phone number from a woman is to enable contact at a later time to possibly take things further.
Sounds good in theory.
However in practice, things can sometimes go quite differently.
I’m sure many of you have obtained a woman’s phone number only to dial it and hear something like:
“This phone has been disconnected.”
“Sorry mate, wrong number…”
Infuriating isn’t it?
Or, when you call and get a lukewarm response from her:
“Maybe some other time…I’ve been real busy lately.”
What is going on when this happens?
To understand it a little better, let’s break down some of the events prior to obtaining a woman’s phone number. For the purpose of this explanation, stop and imagine that you’re an attractive woman. Don’t worry, you can go back to being a man in a minute!
Okay, so you’re an attractive woman standing at a bar. A guy walks up and starts chatting to you. He asks what you do for a job, then replies with his profession. You spend the next 10 minutes hearing about his current and past employment. It’s a boring run-of-the-mill conversation and you’re in the mood to have some fun, so you tell him that you have to go the bathroom.
When you come back, another guy walks up and starts chatting to you.
Within seconds you’re both laughing and having a great time.
It’s a two-sided conversation.
He flirts with you and is actually listening to what you’re saying. While laughing and sharing of stories of your travels with him, you end up reliving the emotions you felt overseas all those years ago. You finish feeling like you have made a connection with him.
Okay, you can stop being an attractive woman now.
Which guy would the woman most likely want to see again?
You’re right.
The second one.
Now, this is where most guys go wrong, so pay attention:
A lot of guys will spend the whole time talking about themselves, laughing at their own jokes and exchanging boring information such as: Age, occupation, location. They will then ask the woman for her number.
From a WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE, this makes little sense.
You know NOTHING about her so she will naturally conclude that it’s only her LOOKS that you’re interested in or that you're desperate and have no standards.
Alternatively, when you:
a) Spark the attraction.
b) Have a two-sided conversation.
c) Flirt and create sexual tension.
d) GENUINELY get to know her.
e) Qualify her to your standards.
It will demonstrate that there are REASONS other than her appearance that you have asked for her number. When you call, she will know that there are genuine reasons WHY you’d want to meet up.
Makes sense.
So what do I mean by “Qualify her to your standards”?
Essentially, it means that you have found out details about her and her life. You now possibly know:
- If she’s funny.
- If she’s intelligent.
- If she’s fun to be around.
- What she values in life.
- If she’s a good cook.
- What suburb she lives in.
- Where she has travelled too.
- What she does for fun in her spare time.
- If she’s interesting and worth getting to know better.
- Starting to get the picture?
Great.
Here are some general guidelines I’d recommend if your intention is to obtain a woman’s phone number and follow-up on it later:
1) Listen.
2) Remember that it’s a conversation, not an interrogation. Keep things flowing by making statements/talking from your perspective as well as asking questions (to learn how to be a master conversationalist, read ‘Becoming a Man Who Naturally Attracts Women’ by Modern Man Dan).
3) Get to know her.
4) Keep it genuine.
5) Be playful.
Follow these guidelines and your success with following up on phone numbers will improve significantly.
Cheers
Ben - Modern Man Coach
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