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Modify Behavior: How Intention Maps Work
by Sebastian Drake
of theApproach
October 2nd, 2006
How come some men never stay single for more than three weeks? How come some men can't get anything more than a one night stand to save their life? And how come some men, who really aren't all that great looking, get multiple girlfriends in open relationships. Girls are beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, with high self-esteem, accepting an arrangement that most people would think impossible.
Is it luck? Is it fate?
I present to you one word: Intention.
Everyone behaves differently around different people. You will be a different person around your grandmother than you are around your boss than you are around your accountant than you are around your father.
You'll act differently. Your grandmother, most likely, thinks you don't use vulgarities ever. Your best friend might have a little different perception of you.
People are maleable - women especially. We behave differently in different situations. Now, to answer the question of why some men get exactly what they want, and why others get the same exact thing that they absolutely don't want, I present to you the Intention Map:
An Intention Map is a tool to modify behavior. The short version is, you will get the other person feeling and acting around you the way you want them to. There are three primary phases of an Intention Map:
1. Screening
2. Qualifying
3. Sex/Afterglow
But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Let us start at the beginning.
THE INTENTION:
To get what you want, you must have a clear, defined idea of what you want. The first thing to do, before you begin intention mapping, is to make a list of traits you want in all women. Traits might include ambitious, creative, hard-working, caring, affectionate.
Next, figure out what specific roles you want in your life. Do you want an open relationship? A really casual "friends with benefits" situation? Exclusivity? Whatever you want, that is good - just know what you want.
Then make a list of traits that you'd want for that specific relationship. Some traits I find are good in certain relationships:
EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Loyal
Feminine
Traditional
Conservative
OPEN RELATIONSHIPS:
Independant
Understanding
Open-minded
Non-jealous
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS:
Spontaneous
Exciting
Independant
Experimental
Note that this isn't your list necessarily. What you want from an exclusive relationship may vary. Many men don't want a highly independant woman in an exclusive relationship - if you're going to only be with one person, you want them available on your schedule. Some men might like an exclusive relationship with an independant woman though, so you fill in your own list.
Now, the behavior modification.
Take the list of qualities that you want in all women:
Ambitious
Creative
Hard-working
Caring
Affectionate
Add in the list of qualities that you want in the specific relationship you want:
Independant
Understanding
Open-minded
Non-jealous
Now, it's time to get to the three phases of an intention map.
What you are going to do is you are going to get the girl saying she is this quality, you are going to reinforce to her that you like because she is this quality, and you are going to reinforce it again during and immediately after sex.
PHASE ONE: SCREENING
Screening is a technique that increases compliance, and shows that you have standards. Examples of screening questions include:
"I like ambitious people. Do you consider yourself to be ambitious?"
"All my friends are really into a lot of creative things. What creative things do you do?"
"Do you work hard for things you believe in?"
"You strike me as a really caring person. Am I right?"
"I can tell you're very loyal, but are you also affectionate?"
"Ugh, you see all these girls around who can't get anything done without a man helping them.""Tell me, are you independant?"
"A lot of my friends don't have traditional values. Do you consider yourself to be an understanding person?"
"Are you open-minded to seeing and trying new things?"
"You don't get jealous easily, do you?"
Those questions are all weighted towards getting what you want. A select few women will be unable to meet your criteria. For instance, not all women are creative. It's up to you what you're willing to compromise on in your list - I'm absolutely unwilling to compromise on a woman having high self-esteem, so I'll dismiss girls who have low self-esteem. I also like girls who love art, music, and theatre - but I'm willing to compromise on that if she has other interests I enjoy, like nature or sports.
It's up to you what you're willing to compromise on. The fact is, if she likes you, she'll try to give you the right answers to your screening questions. Most people consider themsleves to be ambitious, caring, open-minded, etc. She's going to say she is either way - the key is, by saying it, she'll precedence herself to it, and want to act that way around you especially. So though she might not be a very open-minded person around her friends from church, she will be around you ;)
PHASE TWO: QUALIFICATION
Now, you will simply tell her that she meets your standards, and that she has the specific type of trait you're looking for. This needs to be Situationally Relevant as we say - so do it after she does something to display that trait, or immediately after a screening question saying she is.
"You're so ambitious. I like that."
"I like that you're so creative."
"Thank you for being so caring. It makes me feel really good."
"Mmmm, you're so affectionate."
"I like that you're so independant."
"Wow, you're so understanding of things outside of what you were raised with. That's amazing."
"It's really cool to hang out with such an open-minded girl."
"It's nice to spend time with you - you're so secure in yourself and never get jealous. I love it."
Ever hear the expression, "Treat a man as you would have him become." There was a typo in it. it should have read, "Treat a woman as you would have her become." Tell her she's exactly what you want - and she'll want to live up to that. True story:
I was driving with my girlfriend at the time to spend the Fourth of July at a beachhouse. Even after a year and a half together, just coincidentally, I'd never driven a car with her in the passenger seat. We'd been in other cars together, and lots of taxis, but living near each other in a city with good public transportation, I'd never driven her.
Well, I just coincidentally happened to be going the speed limit. Really, a coincidence to the extreme. And yet she said to me, "Sebastian... you can tell so much about a person by the way they drive. My sister's boyfriend swerves all over the road, honks, gets angry, cuts people off. Goes too fast, too slow - and you can tell he doesn't have his life together. You're going just the speed limit, nothing's bothering you... it says a lot about who you are."
Here's the thing - I *knew* what she was doing, and I *still* drove perfectly for the rest of the weekend. People don't want to go against praise that they get. So tell people that they are exactly what you want them to be.
(note: this also works great when you're getting service from a company. Whenever something's going wrong at an airport, I always say, "Thank you so much. Your airline is always really, really good to me, so I feel so comfortable when I'm flying with you folks." It results in a higher quality of service as they try to live up to that)
PHASE THREE: SEX/AFTERGLOW
During sex is a special time. We get into a state of raw emotion, and let loose our logical constraints. During sex, qualification goes into the subconscious to the extreme. So you can say things like:
"I love making love to such an ambitious girl baby."
"Mmmm, baby, how creative you are turns me on so much."
"Oh yeah, I love being with you here - you're so caring, take care of me, make me feel so good."
"You're so affectionate."
There is also the afterglow, immediately after sex.
"Wow, it's great being with such an independant girl."
"It feels good lying next to a girl so open-minded."
"Damn baby, you're so open-minded. It shows when we're in bed too."
"I love that you're so secure in yourself. We're here together and you're not worrying, you're calm and in the moment."
The other thing you do during the Afterglow stage is you set up the TIMEFRAME of the relationship. You do this after you've been having sex for a little while, perhaps three weeks. So, for an open-relationship where you're seeing each other once a week or so, you'll say.
"You're so great, baby. We spend amazing time together, and then you're independant and have a really great life besides just me. The time we spend together is amazing, and yet you understand that I've got a really busy life. It feels great to be with you."
With this system, you can develop your intention throughout the interaction: Before you ever have sex, she'll be saying she's what you want, and you'll be telling her she's what you want and that's why you like that. During sex, you say that you feel good making love to her because she's want you want, and after sex you'll say it feels good lying next to her because she's what you want.
Enforced and reinforced so many times, this shapes and modifies her behavior. She might still be close-minded around her friends, but she'll be open-minded around you and yours - and that's what counts.
Figure out what you want, and go get it playboy! God bless,
Sebby
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