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Re: The missing skill? Listening to and understanding the girl

mASF post by toe***0@my***.com[ ? ]

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Re: The missing skill? Listening to and understanding the girl
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mASF post by "toe***0@my***.com[ ? ]"
posted on: USENet: alt.seduction.fast newsgroup, November 11, 2000

In article boo***y@ya***.com[ ? ] (Book Guy) wrote:
> pathetic. Just a little. I'm actually quite the extrovert,
> although I've never taken an Enneagram. In the Myers-Briggs
> stuff, I come out like 75% extroverted and 25% introverted; or

Sorry, Book Guy. Like I said, I dont know you and am probably
completely wrong ... (you shouldn't be defensive about the possiblity
of being a 4 though ... not a bad thing ... 4's can be quite
charismatic, or maybe enigmatic is a better word ... think Andy Wahol
or Jim Morrison ... 4's ... completely surrounded by women for their
entire lives).

Enneagram is generally not something you take like Myer-Briggs, but if
you want to do a test or get an introduction, there are 2 tests from
MIT (and you should do both, I score the same for my predominant type
on both of them, but 'The New Test' polarizes it more ... on every test
I ever do I come out strongly as a 7, score well in 8 and 3 also ...
the Riso Hudson book with over a hundred questions gave a different
picture to these two tests in the site for my minor traits. You'll
recognise yourself when you read the descriptions anyway. You don't
really need the tests although it may be quicker that way also on that
site are flow charts that I have never seen before and like, but you
probably need to understand the Enneagram first to appreciate them) ...
the tests here are good but the material on-line in general is shit.
(stay away from the 'New Age' web sites also ... all sorts have adopted
the system ... MIT, at least, I trust!). To gain the power of this
stuff, understand the childhood patterns predominent in the personality
types, the cardinal sins, hot buttons, etc. You need a book, and it is
Riso and Hudson that invented the shit.

http://pigment.lcs.mit.edu:8080/~becca/enneagram/

In looking for this site to give you the link, I noticed the statistics
on the site. Their graphs are not useful as they do not give
percentages but they do give me the raw numbers. So below is some
statistical work I have just done to understand this better, and a
discussion. The thrid column I have inserted is what each type
prodominantly sorts by. Here is a table:

Male Female Sort by
type 1 10% 8% Information
type 2 10% 17% People
type 3 7% 5% Activity
type 4 16% 14% Compare themselves to others.
type 5 14% 7% Information
type 6 7% 10% Information
type 7 11% 13% Activity
type 8 8% 6% People, Information and Activity
type 9 17% 20% People

The correlation is only 0.583. Women and men obviously see the world
differently. Now for the above there is 12,054 respondents ... a good
enough sample size. The servey is skewed by the fact that the
respondants are a) on the internet and b) interested enough in the
Enneagram to take the time to find out what type they are.

What would tend to skew it higher towards:
type 4 ... interested in understanding themselves
type 5 ... nerds on the internet (this is obviously changing given we
are late 2000).

Interestingly, women are predominantly type 2 (selfless Mother Terisa
types when healthy, needy "Jewish Mother" types when unhealthy) and
type 9's (Lisa Kudrow from Friends or Woody from Cheers in a male).
Both these types Sort strongly by other and the two types are not
competely unrelated (type 9's basic fear is of being shutout, loveless,
discordant or inharmonious. Type 2's basic fear is being worthless,
useless, dispensable or inconsequential ... both rely strongly on what
other people think). Men however are much more frequently 5's than
women (Albert Einstein or Bill Gates types ... Bjork or perhaps Agetha
Christie in a woman. Basic fear is Being useless, helpless, or
incapable). Where do the large disparity between men and women at the
types 2 and 9 go? To type 4 and 5. So Men are also more strongly type
4's though not as significantly (Bob Dylan, Johnny Depp, Andy Wahol, or
Alanis Morrisette in a woman. Basic fear is to have no identity or
personal significance). Then men are also more highly 8's (Superman,
Darth Vader, Mike Tyson ... power loving types ... they Sort By Self)
and 1's (Nelson Mandela, Fire and Brimstone preachers ... idealists ...
one god, one true love, one right anwer types ... Sort By Self) These
are much more Sorting by Self types. Seems to be a pattern here. Not
sure what it means. Anyone?

A big surprise for me was the relative scarcity of 3's (two of my best
mates are 3's), and female 3's are those most likely to be gold-
diggers. SuperHB's (fashion models, Brittany Spears types) tend to be
3's also as they are status conscious, and will devote their entire
time to the gym, clothes, etc. in an effort to be the most beautiful
girl in the world and all the status that it brings in western society.

Message ... 7% jump in a woman towards Selfless nurse type, and a 7%
jump in men towards withdrawn Nerd types.

Just to complete the post a little and give you all some information on
how to influence that you can use, since 1 in 5 women are type 2 and 1
in 5 women are type 9, let me offer the following for if you can
correctly type the girl:

type 2:
Twos are people oriented so go with connection patterns if using SS.
Slow down, be personable and spend time gettng to know what matters to
them. Do something nice for them ... Twos are used to giving, and when
someone does something nice for them they usually have trouble
accepting it. However don't let thins stop you because secretly they
really appreciate the gesture. Emphasise the person over what they
do ... they are giving, caring people who want to be loved and feel
needed. It is for who they are, not what they do. Make sure you don't
take them for granted, this plays at their basic fear, and they might
forgive you, but they wont forget. Save any fast impersonal talk for
someone else. Slow spoken process language is the name of the game.

type 9:
Nines like the familiar, are passive, are very feeling oriented.
Feeling or Kinesthetic people typically have a slow tempo and are more
hands-on than visual. Therefore spend time on warm-ups, use a slower
tempo when speaking to them, and build trust. After you have spent time
on them you will become familiar and non-threatening which allows them
to trust you. When speaking to them, focus on the positive ... pointing
out the bad or negative aspects of something will potentially disrupt
their peaceful world and cause them to withdraw. NEVER put them in
positions that will force them to be confrontational. THis is the very
thing they are trying to avoid. You should also never make them feel
marginalised or push them aside. They are already doing this for
themselves.

As always, Comments / Questions welcome.

Cheers,
toecutter.


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