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Original discussion thread: http://fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=91968&fid=8
The world can seem like a big scary place at times.
You could have 2 people go out, run the same routines, and get ‘rejected’ in both the same way, and then both eject from set.
One may beat himself up over it, and it may cripple his opening ability in the future through an increased fear of failure in his own head.
The other may immediately forget about it or say something to himself like ‘those girls are unlucky’ or ‘they were just having a bad day. I’ll get the next group.”
The important thing here is, and all of us should realize this by now, is that it’s all you and your own mind. Yes you can perceive the world as a big scary place, but really it’s all about you vs yourself. The mind is the most powerful thing, and that is why you can see that inner game» is the most important aspect of any of this. Perception is reality.
I feel something that has really helped change my reality (and in turn change my external behaviour) in the past month is something I got from Hypnotica. Hypnotica talked about sitting down with David D over a couple of nights and writing out a detailed list of beliefs THEY WANTED TO HAVE. Not necessarily beliefs they already had. I did this exercise that Hypnotica mentions. (There are scientific studies out there that prove that when you know where you are you going, you stand a better chance of getting there.) I wrote out 3 pages of beliefs/goals I wanted to have… all stated in the positive. I read these morning and night for 2 weeks, and go back to them now when I want. I can see looking back on this that it has probably had the most profound effect on me of anything I’ve learnt so far in this game.
I’m going to give you some examples of things I wrote because I want to talk about them.
- I feel incredibly comfortable in social situations. The way I stand exudes a glowing confidence to all those around me.
And the list goes on. I have 32 of these to be exact. Looking back at my list, I see some of these beliefs that I now truly truly have. They are INTERNALIZED completely. I know when I walk I exude huge confidence. I feel it in me and others. I truly do believe all women are checking me out. I remember 6 months ago being timid at the gym at times. I would hate going by myself. I thought people were looking at me and judging my size etc. Now, I walk around so confident at the gym. I catch girls checking me out all the time, giving me eye contact, and I feel that every single girl in that gym wants me. What a great belief.
Recently however, I have been dealing with some things that I feel are holding me back.
1) The need/want to be perfect (why so many people feel compelled to learn everything about the game so that they can be perfect straight out the gate.)
Then I looked back on my list and it occurred to me. Most of the beliefs in my list fill these 4 problems above.
I have statements like the one above that basically say ‘People are always intrigued with what I have to say’ which fills problem 2 and 3. All girls at all times like me fills problem 1 and 2. And so on…
I realized that in a way… the positive beliefs I had written for myself (which I still think are great and useful don’t get me wrong. They have done wonders.) are a way to make myself believe I don’t have these problems. But I don’t think this is that great. It’s time to tweak my list. Here’s why…
‘All people at all times will always be interested in what I have to say. Afterwards, they are left off intrigued’. This statement is setting your expectations to be perfect. It’s a great mindset to have going into set ‘knowing’ that HBHotStuff wants to your . However, there is nothing in here to help you cope with the times that people aren’t interested.
You can say this statement to yourself consciously for 10 years and hope your unconscious finally picks it up… but it’s going to be pretty fucking hard for anyone to believe that when a chick punches you in the face, throw her drink at you, and calls the cops… that she was interested in you.
Therefore, I compiled a list of ‘reality check’ statements to help me cope with failure… seeing as how I am so afraid of it. Here are some examples.
- I will never be perfect. In any situation ever. Deal with it.
And the list goes on a bit more.
The reason I have made these statements is because I need to face failure. I’ve been so busy trying to avoid it. (whether it be reading up on all the techniques so I can be perfect my first time out so to speak… or whether it be writing a list of positive statements for my conscious mind to work into my subconscious.)
I don’t think I have every dealt with that fact that… I can’t be perfect. I may not be as good at this as others. Others may not like me, etc.
We all want to go out there, and increase our success ratio, pick up as many sets as we approach etc.
When you look at these boards… 85% of the posts are on how to succeed. No wonder we strive so much for success, and are so afraid of failure.
I’d love to see others out there write more on how to fail, how to lose, and how to cope with it.
For me, I’m starting with these statements. [You may not ever become X, Y, or Z… but you know what… it doesn’t matter. Accept it, and move forward. You also have A, B, and C to offer the world.]
I’ll update this topic with my results a month from now. Both results in how I feel I have changed mentally, and of course results on how it has affected my time spent out in field.
The first list has done wonders for me in both.
Here’s to hoping that second list takes away the things I feel are holding me back.
I’m very big on the whole ‘inner game»’ idea. It truly is all that matters.
- When I walk, I walk with an air of confidence that is noticeable to all those around me.
- When in conversation with others they are always interested in what I have to say. Afterwards, they are always left off intrigued.
- All women at all times are interested in me and want to talk to me
2) Fear of failure
3) Confidence when it comes to my natural conversational skills
4) Reaction seeking behaviour
- I may not learn this game as fast as others. Accept it.
- No matter what I do, other people maybe dislike me. It’s ok.
- At every stage of my life, whether I’m feeling the worst or the best, I will still face failure and rejection. I will pick myself up and keep going. That is the ultimate success.
- There will be times when girls don’t give me a positive reaction. Fuck ‘em. They’re unlucky. I stay positive and move onto the next.
- Each time I fail is exciting because it’s a step closer towards success.
- Everything I do is for my own amusement. I do not care if I receive a positive or negative reaction. I have fun because I do what I want.
- I may find out I can’t be as good at this game as I want. If I do, that’s ok. I have a million other things to offer this world.
- There will be times when my conversational skills fails me and I’m let in front of a group speechless. That’s hilarious. I will pick myself up and try again. I did want I wanted and succeeded.
- The only time I fail is when I don’t go out or try due to fear of failure or rejection, or when I make an excuse out of fear.
