mASF post by "putnik"
posted on: mASF forum: General Discussion newsgroup, July 7, 2005Usually, RSD's newsletters are bullshit............but this one is pretty good.
I recommend reading it.
__________________________________________________
Conveying Your Identity in a Way
That is Attractive
July 17, 2005
__________________________________________________
To receive this FREE newsletter, visit
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n
What's going on, putnik.
I'm sitting here at my house, on the back deck, watching the cats
chase each other around the yard. It's another nice day in
San Francisco, and I ain't got nothing to do but drink a Corona
and reflect on what a crazy journey it's been these past few
years.
Flying around the world picking up girls. Smashed windshields and
slashed tires. Threesomes, threesomes, threesomes.
And to think three years ago I was just a mild-mannered chump,
like the majority of guys out there.
It's ridiculous, if you think about it, how in the span of just a
few short years I've completely changed my identity from that of
a loser with little or no skill at picking up women... to that of
a loser with lots of skill at picking up women.
Haaa, just kidding, you know I'm a champ. But this got me to
thinking (I know, alarms going off) about the concept of
IDENTITY and how crucial it is to your success in this game.
To give you an example of what I mean, let me describe something
I experienced when I first started instructing at the RSD live
programs.
After I completed the grueling training program to become an
Executive Coach, I began running my own bootcamps here in
San Francisco. And it didn't take long for me to become completely
comfortable in my new role as a "pickup guru", if you will.
It was then that I started to notice a strange phenomenon.
I keep meticulous records of all my exploits, because in spite of
it all, I still think that love is a special and magical thing
and I want to remember every girl I get with, even when they
number in the hundreds and hundreds. So I'm looking at my score
sheet one day, and I realized that since I started doing the
programs, I'd been getting laid EXCLUSIVELY while on program.
Like, I'd go out on my own time, and I'd just drink with my
buddies, and make the occassional halfhearted pickup attempt, and
get a couple of phone numbers.
But on the program, all of a sudden there's a fire under my ass.
I'm standing in the middle of the club screaming, "I'll make out
with any chick in here!! JUST POINT!!!" I'm running around with
chicks thrown over my shoulder, I'm pulling back to Club Jeffy
every single night. It's ridiculous.
It got to the point where I felt I couldn't pick up UNLESS I was
on workshop.
Absurd, I know. But as I thought about it some more, it started to
make sense.
This was related to the concept of IDENTITY.
What happened was this: when I was out on "my own time", I was
just me, Jeffy, a regular guy with some pickup game, but there
was no PRESSURE for me to do anything but drink and shoot the
breeze with my homeboys.
On program, however, my identity changed to that of jlaix, PICK
UP GURU, this monster badass with students who took his every word
for gospel. A guy who MUST pick up chicks and pull off insane
moves.
Side note: I would never tell a student to take everything I say
to be absolute. All of the Executive Coaches, despite being
very good at what they do, are just individual guys. We tell you
what works for us, and you take what you like and discard what
you don't. Remember the old adage, "Follow those who seek the
truth, run from those who claim to have found it."
Anyway, with that IDENTITY of pickup guru firmly in place, of
course it's inevitable that I would achieve incredible success.
Since realizing this, I've put the power of identity to work
FOR me. Now, even when I'm not on program, I harness that
guru identity when I'm out approaching girls.
I told you this story to illustrate exactly how powerful identity
can be, and how you can take advantage of it to boost your own
game.
Your identity and your behavior influence one another. In some
ways, it's a case of "the chicken and the egg"... which comes
first? Looking back at my own experience, when I first started
this trip, I began thinking of myself as a "player" before I had
the actual skills.
In fact, my freshman year in the game was largely spent
re-engineering my identity.
So what, exactly, is your identity?
Your identity consists of the following things: your beliefs,
your values, goals, etc.
Ask yourself this: what do you believe? What do you like? What
do you dislike? What will you tolerate from others? What do you
want out of life? What do you deserve?
If you can answer these questions immediately and with conviction,
you have a strong identity. However, if that identity is one laden
with negative, self-limiting beliefs, you are bound to fail,
time and time again.
So, how did I go about transforming my identity from that of
a chump into that of a champ?
It certainly wasn't easy. I'll tell you one thing, it didn't
involve sitting in front of a mirror doing affirmations. Not by a
long shot. The closest I ever came to anything like that was
taping a small list of beliefs to the inside of the medicine
cabinet. It was printed with this:
1. I move through this world without apology.
2. I make no excuses for my desires as a man.
3. Women are a dime a dozen, I don't need any particular one.
4. Rejection is a good thing, I learn something every time.
5. Behave as though these are true, even if your emotions mislead
you.
Great stuff, sure, but the fact of the matter is, these "notes"
just led me in the right direction. I could sit there at the
medicine cabinet and read those all day and it wouldn't do a
damn thing. No, I had to get out in the field and start
PRACTICING making those statements reality.
I started going out to the clubs several times per week, with my
new persona firmly implanted in my head. Of course, at first I
wasn't very congruent with it, but over time I began to take on
the characteristics of a real-life, bona fide player.
Like, I started going to the badass clubs that used to intimidate
me. I started wearing the threads of a player, I started ACTING
like one. Then, after I'd been doing all of this for a long time,
I realized that it was WHO I AM.
If you begin with the end in mind, and are dedicated, you too
can transform your identity from a limiting one to an empowering
one.
In other words: fake it 'till you make it.
You need to start DOING, and then you will BECOME.
Have you ever joined a gym or taken a dance class? When you first
walk in, you see all the advanced people, and it's maybe a little
bit intimdating. They move about effortlessly, doing things you
couldn't do if your life depended on it. But over time, your
skill improves, until you eventually BECOME one of those people.
This means expanding your ceiling, progressively desensitizing
yourself.
A typical sequence might look like this: learning to hold eye
contact. Saying hi to random people. Holding brief conversations.
Being more assertive. Starting to inject flirtatious humor. Using
more vocal resonance and expression. Taking up more space.
Beginning to interact physically. Starting to CONTROL the
conversations. Getting comfortable with being the center of
attention. Going to cooler places, wearing cooler clothes than
you're usually accustomed to. Cutting off people's threads,
breaking rapport with people. And finally, pulling the trigger
and escalating.
The thing is, a lot of guys think that "player" is something
you "do". This is incorrect. It is something you ARE.
Fake it 'till you make it. Once you start to become a player, the
behaviors will follow naturally as a consequence.
On another note, I think people can sometimes take the concept of
identity to unhealthy extremes. Like in the example I gave above
where I became so wrapped up with the "guru" identity that I
couldn't pick up in a situation outside of that context.
It is true that to succeed in this area you need a strong
identity. But be careful that your identity doesn't become
completely wrapped up in pickup.
Know who you are OUTSIDE of the game, and become fully congruent
with that, then learn to convey that identity to the girls. That
is what will bring you success.
Remember: game is your expression of inner state, conveyed by the
rhythms you use to direct the energy of the interaction. The key
phrase here being "the expression of inner state".
With that in mind, I'd advise you to start getting involved with
interesting things to make your core persona more interesting.
Sitting around at your parents' house without a job playing
Warcraft all day is NOT going to make you an attractive,
interesting person, it is going to make you a GEEK.
Think about stuff you always wanted to do, that you thought
would be cool, but you never got around to. Maybe it's time to
go for it. Because ultimately, if you don't do anything
interesting, there's no way you're going to magically transform
your identity into this awesome, positive thing and become
desireable.
You have to start doing cool stuff.
One way to start doing cool stuff is to sign up for one of our
Individualized Bootcamps. This is an experience that's assured to
shake things up and get you headed in the right direction.
Over the course of the weekend, you'll be immersed in a hard-core
learning environment from start to finish. You'll work one-on-one
with your instructors from dusk till dawn. We give you the tools
you need to get girls attracted to you FAST, and the skills and
self-confidence you need to convert that attraction into
something more.
Each night, you'll take those skills into the field with the RSD
Executive Coaches. You'll do interaction after interaction,
pushing further and further past your limits, with the Executive
Coaches there to guide you every step of the way.
The information you'll learn in the program is the stuff the
"naturals" would KILL to get their hands on... and we know this
because of the looks on their faces when we roll into their sets
and take their girls say it all.
Look, it took me a YEAR to rework my identity into a working
model of success. You shouldn't have to wait as long. With
our bulletproof system, you can jump-start the learning
curve and get the success you want with women TONIGHT.
Don't waste any more time. Sign up for your Individualized
Bootcamp TODAY by clicking here:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp
--
"There are no rejections - just shit tests"
|
