mASF post by "Ricky Raft"
posted on: mASF forum: Field Reports Discussion, May 5, 2005I write this mostly for the record. I usually don't write FR/LRs but now I do
an exception because I think this could be useful to guys who don't get laid. I
mean the road to sex with a girl is not always a straight line and there are
many ways to get laid. This story is complicated, and I'm not going to describe
all the steps. This is not *fast* seduction, you could even think about it as a
true fuck up story, if it wouldn't be for the happy ending, even I was a little
surprised it happened. Most of this post is how NOT to PU. If you're fond of
the ASF rules of PU, this isn't for you. Just for the record; I can do a lot
better than this :-)
Ok, let's learn something.
Last summer, I met a girl and at first I wasn't attracted, to me she was just
another girl talking to me. We started to spend some time together, she was
social, cool and cute but not really my physical type. We became good friends.
One night at a bar she said something that in speed seduction» is called a
trance word, BOOM, after that she was more than just another nice girl to me. I
felt she was just like me. We started to develop an incredible connection, we
could have the most interesting conversations for hours. Her friends were
envious of me and my girls were envious of her. People were talking about us.
Anyway, one weekend I slept at her place, just sleep, no sex, half naked under
the same blanket with a great chick. This made me think more about what was
going on between us.
I use a lot of vague words when I talk to chicks, it allows them to think about
what I really mean, which leads to them thinking about me. A nice technique.
And this girl uses this a lot to. She also sends a lot of mixed messages.
Back then I knew I had good attraction skills but I believed that a man *have
to* run attraction material and do so before he runs C&T material or else she
won't go into her fuck sequence. Wrong! I had run some C&F on her but it was
rapport for the most part. To sum it up: she had a good attraction game, a
great personality, we had the greatest connection, we spend very much time
together and we slept together, guess what, I started to get a nice juicy
one-itis-for her.
The next weekend I laid close to her in her bed again, trying to escalate, just
smelling in her hair and so on, but she was really cold towards me. My
experience then was that a girl will help you to escalate, for example, turn
her head towards you when you lean in for a kiss. But she was cold. I have
never been so confused in my whole life. She fell asleep and I laid there for
some time then I snuck out and went home, with my tail between my legs. I
couldn't understand what was going on. The next day we had a sms conversation
about what happened. I was even more confused but we were still friends. The
next week she moved to another country. We kept the contact by e-mail. I
overgamed her. I had a lot of success with other girls while she was gone but
she was still special to me. We met some times when she temporarily was back in
Sweden. My 'tension loops' post in advanced a while ago was inspired from this
experience.
--
Some weeks ago she moved back to Sweden and two weekends ago we started to hang
together again with the same great connection and in one week my old one-itis-came back. I knew it couldn't continue like that anymore, something had to
change. One week ago she talked about a guy she met abroad and that he are
going to visit her here soon, something snapped for me. I had enough! (again
she used a combination of push/pulls, vague language and mixed messages.)
I was fed up with one-itis-so I SMSed her and told her how I felt!
"you're so difficult to deal with. I have been in love with you twice now, but
you give me such emotional roller coasters, so I won't go for another ride.
Damn, I'm supposed to be the great player :-) "
she responded:
"Awesome that you are so honest. I like you like hell, but not in that way,
hope we can hang as always in any case"
me:
"Ha, yeah, whatever! Nice to have this out of our way. I am now convinced that
one can 'fall out of love'. Now I'm actually really happy! I was worried that
you would be in
love with me, what would I do then, I mean it's summer soon..."
her:
"Don't understand now, is everything chill, as usual? (...)"
me:
"It's better than chill. I had a chance to update my inner maps about girls,
it's good. With your help I have become a richer man. I'll tell you more
later..."
How about that guys? Does it creep you out? Actually, I just wrote what I felt
in the moment, no strategy at all. But it did some good things. For example it
closed the tension loops I had been trapped in. No more one-itis-The tension
loops had no power over me anymore. I was free, and it felt great. I was LJBFed
and it felt good. I thought "maybe she never had any sexual desires for me,
maybe I killed all of them with my SMS - it doesn't matter the tension loops
are gone."
After this I immediately went into a reframeing/meta-stating phase. It's
crucial to immediately look for positive sides of all of this.
--
If you don't know about meta-stating, I'll give you a short lesson:
As you probably read in my 'meta-states model' post a while ago, a meta state
is a state of mind ABOUT another state (for example fear of fear, appreciation
of anger, happiness about feeling an adrenaline rush, etc) We meta-state very
often, many times a day, and this is how we naturally change our moods,
beliefs, personalities, etc. "Easy as that, profound as that".
--
Without telling you exactly how I reframed/meta-stated it all I can tell you I
felt ecstatic, empowered, more self confident, more alive and free after this.
It was a really
awarding experience. I felt awe for how fast I could smile and laugh after I
got LJBFed (it was less than one minute). I was impressed how fast I came back
up on my feet again, so I modelled myself; this is the process of getting rid
of one-itis-and feel good about it:
1. Refuse to continue the one-itis-2. Verbalize to her that you *have been* in love with her and that you don't
want to go for another ride. Get answers to all your questions which keep the
tension loops alive.
3. Welcome any feedback (you don't have to verbalize this step)
4. Reframe/meta-state
5. Go on with your life, sarge. ASAP.
Necessary beliefs to make this work:
- There's no failure, only feedback. You can't lose with women.
- I fuck up in order to learn.
- The skillset of PU is more important than getting one special girl.
- Everything, people, things, emotions, processes have no value in and of
themselves. They just *are*. We give them their value.
- There's something good about everything, you only have to use your creativity
to find it.
- Life is truly beautiful.
- Women don't cause you pain, it's your frames of mind, that do.
- You should only meta-state with positive emotions.
- 'negative emotions' are good, they help me, they're only 'action signals'.
- One-itis-is bad for your PU chances.
Some reframe/meta-stating:
- This experience will get me "harder skin" -> higher pain tolerance -> I will
be a better PUA -> me closer to my goal -> this is very good. (basically "the
pain doesn't kill me it only makes me stronger.")
- This experience will give you useful info on how PU works and where you
started to fuck up -> you can refine your attraction models -> very good.
- I felt good about realizing that I have incredible reframeing/meta-stating
skills -> a greater self confidence and the knowledge that I have great
resilience and can handle a crisis very good -> whatever life throws in my way,
I can handle it -> reaffirming the belief that I can't lose with women -> I'm
doomed to a great life -> thankful -> a stronger love for life in general and
my life in particular.
--
All of this gave me a little PUA identity crisis, so I bought Swingcat's book,
where he focus on how to be the prize, and that being the prize and making her
chase you is the critical factor of PU. It was great to refresh that. Actually,
my SMS helped me in being the prize, I validated her, and then dis-validated
her ("not in love anymore") -> she wants my validation back -> she starts to
emotionally chase me.
In the last week we spent much time together, we talked about all of this, she
was flattered and she admitted that she is attracted. ("What? Really? Damn, now
I have to reframe again." was my reaction)
I felt I had to protect myself from one-itis-again, so I said "You have blown
your chances with me, after all, you're my little sister". Later I told her
about the meta-states model (yes, you can use this as a DHV.) and about my
strong love for life. I FUCKING LOVE LIFE!!!! (she does this too so our
connection grew stronger)
Some days later I put her in a tension loop». I had been out the day before that
for some wine. But I didn't gave an answer to her question of with whom. This
really made her chase me. She really wanted to know who I had wine with. I
never told her. A lot of playfight and wrestling. Taught her some Taekwon-do
self defence techniques.
--
OK, finally the day of the lay. Friday. At a bar she found out that I used to
fuck a girl she knows (who has a BF). She was surprised. This made her see me
in another light. "you don't seem like a very serious guy" she said. For the
most part of the evening I was afraid that I just fucked up again. You see, if
I have to choose between keeping a friend's faith in me or fucking a girl I
would choose the faith. I thought she lost her faith in me. This made me
sullen, and I said stuff like "it doesn't matter what I say, you don't trust
me, whatever I say you take it as manipulation. I better shut up." I didn't say
much I just gave her long hugs.
I saw hot girls and thought "no, Ricky, don't, you have already broken too many
hearts this month." I didn't want more girls, I just wanted to restore people's
faith in me.
We got really drunk, left her friends and walked to Burger King for burgers.
Somehow we started to talk about why I liked her. I qualified her big time, I
guess. Up to that point I hadn't tried to get into her pants. In the whole
night I never did. During the night she said stuff like "I don't have sex with
guys I don't have feelings for" and "I like to sleep (just sleep, no sex) with
people".
Drunk as she was she came up with idea to drink more beer. So we went to
another bar. Run into some old friends of mine. While she was talking she
poured on on the kino. We decided to go home. Outside the bar we hugged for
long. I asked her if I could sleep at her place. She said "sure" and I said
"but don't get any ideas." On the way to her place I thought "We're not going
to have sex tonight, we shouldn't, I don't want to, no more broken hearts." I
talked about her as the biggest player I've met. And that I have learned so
much from her. True story.
Laying half naked in her bed, we tried to sleep. But as I was drifting away she
started to caress me. WTF? After a while we kissed. Our first kiss. Dry mouths.
"No, we shouldn't" I thought. I wanted to kiss her, but we shouldn't. While we
were escalating, I had a lot of LMR, *I* did! Tried to stop myself, but I
wanted to continue, but I shouldn't. I did all the right things PU-wise but it
was not game, no techniques or lines to get laid, it was just what all that our
techniques are trying to emulate. Pure and simple. I did what I wanted to do
for almost a year now. This was PU but not from my side.
Ricky Raft
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