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In Part 3 of my four part series of How to Become the Cool, Confident, Fun and Sexy man, today I will write about confidence.
Confidence is the most important part of being the type of man who is successful with women, and in life in general. It makes you feel more congruent in your actions and intentions with women. Whether you are doing routines or being more laid back and seductive, you will need Confidence to be successful. However, being confident is not something “turn on” just when women are around, it’s something that you will feel twenty four hours a day, or that is just faking it.
So in order to not “fake it”, there is a process that has personally made me successful (mpre on that later), and was successful when I was teaching clients in workshops. It makes it easy to understand when it is broken down into segments:
BELIEFS + ACTIONS + TRAITS = SELF IMAGE
If you have positive traits, beliefs and actions, then you will have a positive self-image. If not, then it will be negative (for lack of a better word), and if you try to proceed to the next step, it will not work. Therefore, I will provide examples that will lead you to a positive self-image. (From here on, when I mention “Self Image”, I am referring to a positive Self Image).
SELF IMAGE + BEING SOCIAL = CONFIDENT ATTITUDE (which I will refer to hereon as “CONFIDENCE”)
I will cover all of the steps needed to get you to Confidence except “Being Social”. Please do a search for an earlier post entitled, “Social vs. Seductive,” if you need a more in depth explanation.
I want to review something I wrote about in a previous post, “Faking It Ain’t Making It”. Your Beliefs begin with your thoughts. A thought comes into your head, if you take this thought seriously, whether positive or negative, then it becomes a belief. You don’t need to feel like you can’t have any negative thoughts; that would be unrealistic. However, you don’t need to give them any credence because they are what they are: thoughts. Positive thoughts will help you form positive Beliefs, and put you on the road to Confidence. Let me list some examples of some positive Beliefs of a man who is successful with women and dating. These Beliefs are not something I invented. They have been around your years and years. It’s just some examples of what I found to work for myself, my friends, and clients that I have taught:
1) I expect that women, and people in general, will like me when I enter an interaction.
2) I have nothing to lose when I approach a woman.
3) There are an abundance of women in this world. I don’t need every interaction to be perfect.
4) My standards and expectations of women does not start with her appearance.
5) You don’t “owe” a woman anything more than just being yourself.
6) Women love sex, intimacy and relationships just as much as men do.
7) The less you worry about a reaction, the more successful you will be.
8) I am the only one who has power over my behavior, actions and emotions.
9) My behavior and actions influence my social status more than material items.
10) Forget the past. It’s what you think and do NOW that matters.
This is a good start. Make a list of your own. Try and differentiate between “Beliefs” and “Actions.”
Here are some examples of Actions that will contribute to building a positive Self Image. Remember that it is the Actions, and how these Actions make you “feel” as part of your Self-Image that makes you Confident and attractive to women. It is NOT the bragging about these Actions that makes them work for you.
1) You must declare “war” on your fears. Conquer them by facing them again and again.
2) Find Passion in life. Replace procrastination for Passion.
3) Spend time helping other people less fortunate than yourself.
4) Engage in healthy eating, exercise and sports.
5) Travel to new places and observe other cultures.
6) Constantly educate yourself even when you leave school.
7) Spend quality time with friends and family.
8) Improve your fashion and grooming to look your best.
9) Make it a point to try new things. Go beyond the activities that are in your comfort zone.
10) Set goals for the various aspects of your life and try to exceed them.
I know, some of you are saying “no duh, Lifeguard.” But are any of you that are NOT successful with women and dating, ACTUALLY doing all of these things (and more) on a CONSISTENT basis? Is it more like you are doing SOME of the things WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT? One way they I have used to combat this problem is to develop “Pillars of Responsibility”. Here are some examples:
1) FAMILY/FRIENDS : did I spend quality time with the important people in my life?
2) WORK: did I put my maximum effort today to be the best I can at my chosen and paid profession?
3) HEALTH: did my eating/exercise habits today, align with my goals?
4) DEVELOPMENT: did I read or practice the concepts on my personal development to make me more successful socially and personally?
5) FINANCIAL: did I spend and save wisely, or did I succumb to short-term gratification?
These are just a few examples but I caution you to limit it to the top five or six. Then ask yourself EVERYDAY: what did I do today to satisfy my Pillars of Responsibility? When you can honestly say that you have satisfied your Pillars, then you can sleep easy. You are “Doing the Right Thing”, as the expressions goes, These checks and balances build toward your Confidence. You have goals and a path to follow.
Lastly, there are the masculine Traits of a Real Man. There is an intentional overlap with some of the other concepts (BELIEFS + ACTIONS + TRAITS = SELF IMAGE)
1) Control over your emotions
2) Sense of humor
3) Passion for life
4) Relaxed body language»/voice/facial expressions, including smile
5) Unrepressed sexual and sensual feeling towards women
6) Productive lifestyle: job, friends, hobbies, financial situation, health, and exercise
7) Appearance: grooming, wardrobe, physical futness
8) Empathy and compassion towards others
9) Genuinely interested listener
10) Physically expresses emotions with people (kino)
You may have noticed that there are ten examples of each in the equation. That’s because they are just “examples.” You may want to add, subtract or re-word them to fit into your reality and goals. I would advise you to print them up and put them in a book or on a bulletin board over your desk so you can easily and frequently check in with them. Most are self-explanatory so to keep this post concise, I will not explain every one.
While you are building your Self Image, you should concurrently go out and be social. I talk about this all time: be social 24/7 and then you do not have to worry about pumping your state, doing thousands of approaches or stacking routines. You will become more comfortable talking to all kinds of people in ANY type of venue or time of the day. It’s going to be WHO you are, not a cloak or a persona you put on.
Some of you may be thinking: “confidence will not just make women appear.” This is true. Please read my previous post “Dating Skills for Real Men” and/or some of my other posts and advice on the second part of the equation that puts together being successful with women, like Building a “Physical Connection” (kino) and “Building an Emotional Connection,” etc.
How this has helped me? Well..I will be 37 years old soon. I have accomplished more in life than just sleeping with a lot of women. I have:
1) been in many great relationships with men and women
2) graduated from a respected private college (scholarship)
3) competed and won many fighting sports tournaments
4) developed a martial arts program for underprivileged children
5) served my country in the United States Marine Corps
6) built and sold a successful business in New York City
7) developed several successful internet businesses
8) maintain a healthy lifestyle and physical fitness
9) traveled all over the world and met many friends
10) top salesman at Fortune 100 company
By doing all of that and being the person that I am, I have developed the confidence and charisma that allows me to “be myself” when I am with women. I do not need to rely on routines, lines or gambits. It wouldn’t “feel right” if I tried it. It’s easy to vibe and connect when I have enough interesting things to talk about through my life experience. My stories are my own. There is no need to fabricate things that I THINK women want to hear. Quality women have amazing bullshit detectors. Even if you are able to fool them once when they have had a few drinks, it won’t take long for them to realize that you are not really the guy you pretended to be. And people, not just women will size you up looking for your character. Women especially will size you up and try and picture the two of you together in the future. Even if they don’t necessarily want a serious relationship, they will still try and picture how you would look together if you got serious. That’s why they don’t want to feel like they were “tricked” into sleeping with you.
As you can see, developing a positive self-image and becoming a confident man is a conscious process that starts with your thoughts and Beliefs and becomes internalized though your Actions. Doing all of these things I have done so far in my life took time and effort but it built character, patience and self-respect. If you decide to undertake making the changes in your life to become a Confident Man, then you know there are no shortcuts. This is a long-term commitment that will pay dividends in the future. Memorizing lines and routines, dressing up in costumes, etc, could be something you do to have FUN, not disguise or trick anybody about who you really are.
So put together a plan that fits your goals and personality, and start yourself on the road to becoming a Confident Man.
Proud of you…
~Lifeguard~
http://datingskillsforrealmen.blogspot.com/
"I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really ridiculously
good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is."
