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Original discussion thread: http://fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=82706&fid=146&FirstTopic=90&LastTopic=119
The most powerful thing I have gotten from this community is the tool called... reframing. I know you've read about it before. However, that's not enough. You can read about something a million times, and still truly never grasp the concept. I've recently come to understand it on a higher level.
I had to come share this with the group now that it has cemented.
Previously I was prone to external factors controlling my frame. Controlling my state. I had read about reframing then, but it just wasn't working for me. Something external may have come up, put my state in a shitty mood, and I'd say "Okay. Just be X" (Happy, Calm, whatever). This clearly didn't work.
I now however can use reframing to set up my state and frame at any time. It truly is about the beliefs you hold. It's not just enough to tell recite these beliefs. You must believe them. And one day recently it finally all clicked.
I reframe everything now. From physical attributes to mental insecurities. I.E. I have a baby tooth I've had throughout my life. I always hated it. I would do a one sided smirk(which I hated) as opposed to a smile for years to hide this tooth. The muscle of my mouth on one side compared to the other is like the difference between Arnold and Waldo. I still sometimes give this smirk out of 15 years of habit, but I now like it. I really like it. I have just reframed it as this 'coy, playful' smile that I give to a girl like 'we both know what's going on here'. I have also reframed other physical attributes as well. I wrote an FR the other day about 2 HB9's that previously would have crushed my state in my old days, and I would have acted like a pussy around them. I did break a few times, but IMMEDIATELY reframed this as me being the prize of the situation, and it worked because now I ACTUALLY believe it. I can reframe now and completely control my state, and it truly shows in the interaction!
But there are 2 bigger things it has helped me do. I'd consider the biggest one to be that I've always cared what other people thought of me. Forever. I've been actively trying to change this for a year. Before I ever found the community, I had already read a book on it. And it just all of a sudden changed for me one day recently. The only insight I can really offer is the saying "I do what I want and I don't apologize for my desires". The saying "I don't apologize for my desires" really helped me out here. In a simplistic situation, if I were to previously walk by a girl and get what I PERCEIVED(key word here) as being a negative reaction, it would affect me. I cared about what she thought. I believe it had something to do with this simple phrase... in that now I do what I want... and I don't apologize for anything. I live to fulfill my desires, and that is all that is important to me(Without using others. That's an ethical thread and topic all on it's own).
And lastly, reframing and AA. It's great to know all the theory behind tribal days, being outcome dependent, lack of experience(the catch-22 scenario) etc... but all that did nothing for me. What really made a difference has been reframing. It's all about your set of beliefs around what a blowout is. Previously with the size of my large ego, I couldn't help but viewing it as a crucial blow. I knew not to... but couldn't change it. But this reframe of living to fulfill my desires, has in turn allowed me to not care what people think, which has in turn lowered my ego, which has in turn allowed me view blowouts differently. It no longer matters. A blowout is not a reflection of who you are as a person.
I guess some of the beliefs that have helped me reframe this one are the one mentioned above(definitely), natural variation, and getting a negative response is a great opportunity. I now look forward to getting a negative response as being positive. Like it were the best thing that could happen to me. I just view it as a big shit test(which is what it is)... that if I can overcome... then I'm golden. And if I don't... then I got the wrong answer that time... and I can try something different next time. Maybe try viewing it this way... "If I open, and get a cold response, it's a shit test tool in her bag to get rid of weak pussy males. If I overcome it, I'm in. If I don't, she still likes me... i just didn't pass the test. Take the shit test as an IOI, and believe that even if you present a wrong answer that doesn't pass the test... she liked you by presenting the shit test in the first place". It doesn't matter if this is reality or not. It's beside the point. What matters is how you perceive things.
So thanks to a select few posts on this community that have allowed me to piece this all together... and finally grasp this concept. I feel great all the time now, and I truly believe I have started my upswing on the J-curve.
