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Original discussion thread: http://fastseduction.com/discussion/fs?action=9&boardid=2&read=91256&fid=8
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I've come to notice that there are three types of people in this world as far as emotions are concerned, and in particular, negative emotions.
Bear in mind when reading this which category you are in. If you are already in the 3rd category, this is old news to you. If you're in the first 2, you should pay attention.
These are the crazies. Their ability for objective analysis of a situation is almost non-existent. These are people who take things wonderfully personally ("I am angry - SOMEONE made me like this - time for revenge!"). Their own lack of emotional mastery keeps them bogged down in the same cycles for long periods of time.
For personal growth, this is the worst approach to handling emotions. People who believe they are their emotions will nearly always attribute their life situation to the environment, through lack of understanding that it is their beliefs and values that generate their emotional responses to events, not the events themselves.
I would like estimates from you guys on what percentage of people you've met that fall into this category.
Ted Haggard, a former fundamentalist Christian pastor, is a great example of this:
Notice how his mouth curls around the edges. That is the sign of emotional incongruence (how you behave doesn't match what you feel). You will notice your own face seizing and twisting in this fashion if you try and go against your own emotions.
A common reason for resistance to emotion is when someone has an irrational fear. So logically, they know it's irrational. However, they have a fear response anyway. They reject the emotion on grounds that it is irrational and shouldn't happen. The emotion doesn't get released, and instead "spins" in one place in the body instead of dissipating throughout the body. This is known as anxiety. Further down the line, because the emotion was not properly integrated, it will keep returning on the same environmental trigger. The fear becomes not a fear of the event itself, but of the inability to deal with the emotional response. An anxiety is a fear of a fear.
Unfortunately this also leads to misidentification of what emotion you are actually feeling.
I used to fight approach anxiety to the very end, even taking vast quantities of MDMA to block it out (if you know of my posts, you know my history with drugs and alcohol).
Once I stopped that, and actually began integrating emotions correctly, I realized that approach anxiety was actually fucking HORNINESS trying to spread throughout my body.
The pros often say "Approach anxiety and excitement are the same thing, just perceived differently." Here, in this post, I am telling you how to make that perceptual jump.
On your first day of school, you were probably scared about being left alone in a weird new environment. You felt scared at the start, and really felt that fear (you're a kid so had no false expectations of yourself at this age), but after a few hours nothing bad had happened and you settled down. The next day there was no fear.
That is how emotional integration is meant to look. You allow yourself to feel, letting the emotion spread wherever it wants to throughout your body. After a while, nothing bad happens, and your system says "false alarm, don't trigger that response next time."
In pickup, this means entirely accepting how you feel in any given moment, then doing what you need to do to progress anyway. It is the rational mind's way of getting a handle on the primitive emotional body. That is the method by which they can work together. Resistance is two disparate systems fighting each other. "Right action" as they call it in Eastern philosophy is letting the primitive feeling body do its job, then doing what you were going to do anyway.
Note that this takes practice. You need to get into the habit of letting yourself feel your own emotions until it is automatic. Also, the "settling in" periods whereby the emotional response no longer bothers you can take time to finish.
Example:
Old Corvette: Enters bar -> feels nervous at change of environment -> resists emotion and starts necking beer to get rid of it
New Corvette: Enters bar -> feels nervous at change of environment -> allows feeling to spread, while focusing on his breath -> after X minutes it no longer bothers him and he may continue his night unimpeded by suffering
That time comes down with repeat exposure. It could be 30 minutes a few weeks ago, now it's more like 2 minutes or not at all on some days. That is how we grow.
This knowledge comes from recognizing that:
1) You are not your emotions. Your emotions are an ancient system that your rational mind is built on top of, and you do not have direct control over them.
The 3 above points relate to the 3 categories of people and how to reach the 3rd kind.
What happens when you stop fighting emotions is that you no longer label them "good" or "bad", and instead see them as a system that is trying to help you survive. Sometimes it gets it right, sometimes it gets it totally wrong. Enjoy it when it's right, and forgive it when it's wrong.
Hi guys. I'm back for a short time. During the past 6 weeks I have learned a lot. I have been drug-free and been in a relationship which has now ended. The learning experiences from that are over in Relationships now. On to the main post...
THE THREE APPROACHES TO EMOTIONS
1) Those who think they are their emotions.
Resistance to emotions comes from the idea that whatever emotion you are feeling at the time is somehow "wrong". An extreme example would be the ultra-religious who deny their sexuality. Their face and demeanour becomes a picture of repression as time goes by, and their only recourse is to try and change everyone else's beliefs to make the environment match their wonky internal values.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhcScBdnEhY
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3) Those who integrate emotions, accepting them as part of the learning process.
2) Resistance to emotions by the rational mind by blocking or fighting leads to suffering.
3) Let yourself feel, then move on with your initial plan.
